Raditude, Weezer’s questionably-titled seventh album, hit stores yesterday — and it is silly pop music. But that’s okay, because Leighton Meester is on board. Come on, Blair! Don’t you know it’s so not cool to like a band’s recent work? You have to roll your eyes and talk about how only their old stuff is good. And like any group of self-respecting elitists, the Pitchfork reviewers (primarily Rob Mitchum, but the two other dudes who have reviewed Weezer albums in the last ten years too) hate hate hate every Weezer album after Pinkerton. Hate them.
As of today, Weezer’s five most recent albums are reviewed on Pitchfork, and none of them got above a 5.4. Each of the reviews features the writer whining desperately about how much he loved The Blue Album and Pinkerton, how much those albums affected his life, and how destroyed he is over Weezer’s decline. Snooze!
Check out our top ten of Pitchfork’s must cutthroat Weezer zings below. We imagine Rivers Cuomo sitting at home in his Wuggie reading these and crying. Maybe knitting a sweater.
10.“At this point, Weezer is as much a brand as a band. When Cuomo relinquishes the mic, The Red Album could be by any group of modern-rock mediocrities.” Meanness Level: 2.3
9. “All together, [Raditude] sounds like the first record ever written with the goal expressly in mind of being kick-ass to play on Rock Band. The departures from that formula are harder to stomach, particularly the Bollywood-drenched Hallmark card ‘Love Is the Answer,’ which is absolutely awful. ” Meanness Level: 6.1
8. “I listened to ['Hash Pipe'], from beginning to end. And when it ended, I said no. I said no no no no no. No! Weezer! NO!! Where has Rivers Cuomo gone? What has he done? What has happened to Weezer?! WHERE ARE THE REAL WEEZER?!! My heart was broken. Really. This is going to sound like hyperbole, but I hated music at that moment. For just a moment, I lost faith completely.” Meanness Level: 4.7 (-1 for hyperbole)
7. “Right from the start of Make Believe, when Weezer lurches into a flaccid take on Joan Jett’s ‘I Love Rock N’ Roll’ with an unfathomably horrible speak/sing vocal from Rivers Cuomo (think ‘I like girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch’), you can hear hundreds of critics mouthing ‘no no no’ and going into crumpled shock. What’s more disconcerting is that the song gets worse over the course of its three minutes (let’s just say ‘Framptonesque voicebox solo’ and get back to repressing the memory) — and it’s the album’s first single.” Meanness Level: 6.8
6. “Whether recycling dynamics from the band’s back catalog (see: ‘Perfect Situation’) or taking the easy Mother Goose rhyme (see: every fucking song here), these 12 tracks [of Make Believe] sound as if they were dashed off in an afternoon’s work, maybe with Rubin holding the band at gunpoint.” Meanness Level: 5.5 (+1 for swearing)
5. “Stripping down to the basics is one thing, but removing almost every element and characteristic that separated the band from the other million quartets-with-guitars is a sad, sad sight to see.” [Maladroit] Meanness Level: 4.0
4. “['Hash Pipe'] was abysmal, no two ways about it. It wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t charming. It didn’t have dueling guitar solos with soaring and intricate harmonies. And what it wasn’t made it what it was: stale, polished, emotionless.” Meanness Level: 7.9
3. “[Raditude]‘s teen-boy empowerment message doesn’t have much to offer anyone over 13 years old. Perhaps the proper fictional character to reference isn’t Peter Pan, but Matthew McConaughey’s Wooderson from Dazed and Confused — we all get older, Rivers Cuomo stays the same age.” Meanness Level: 6.3
2. “[Cuomo is] whoah-oh-ohing a whole lot in lieu of coming up with coherent or interesting thoughts.” [Make Believe] Meanness Level: 8.6
1. “It’s unoriginal, moronic and tacky, and that’s all there is to it. Nothing under the surface. Disappointment.” [The Green Album] Meanness Level: 9.3 (moronic and tacky!)
Ouch.
It’s going to be okay, Pitchfork. We heard that Weezer is working on a re-issue of your beloved Pinkerton, with demos and outtakes to boot! Your thirteen-year-old selves will rejoice again.
Comments (33)
What the hell is pitchfork thinking?!
I can’t believe you guys bashed hash pipe so much. It’s a great song and I did enjoy the Green album. I am big weezer fan and like mostly everyone think the blue album is the best.
Fuck Pitchfork….
Kudos to Pitchfork for saying what the large majority of one time Weezer fans are thinking.
this just shows what horrible reviewers they are. the point of reviewing a record is to base it off of the music itself, not your own thoughts on what you wish it would sound like because you liked the band when you were in middle school. idiots work at pitchfork.
Idiots…Weezer is still badass. Loved them since Blue and they rocked my face off in concert this summer. 13 is a stretch, but I listen to them to feel 18 again. Keep rockin Rivers.
I wonder how many of those critics have actually written a song. Why don’t they go
review bands like Hollywood undead or Millionaires. Hahahahahhahahahahahah
well, pitchfork is not completely out of line here. weezer has fallen off.
I wasn’t aware that such hatred and poor taste existed in such close quarters…
“Maladroit” and “The Green Album” are THE reasons I love Weezer.
Love “The Blue Album.” “Pinkerton” grew on me. “Make Believe” is a bit derivative, but is also wildly entertaining.
“The Red Album” is one part the most original work if their career and one part pedestrian, but rocking and fun all around.
End of catalog reviewing rant. :-)
weezer’s blue album was so different than everything else out at the time. since then the world has been influenced by their sound and has changed. weezer is still as good as ever, but not as different as they use to be. the world changed. weezer still makes the same badass music. rivers rocks my socks.
Lo único que debe importar para un artista es el gusto de sus fans y nuevos fans. No necesitan los comentarios de 3 personas. Weezer me gusta desde hace muchos años y no me ha dejado de gustar en cada disco y yo soy fan! Y???
Way off the mark. Love, love, love the new album, love how weezer constantly changes things up. They are timeless.
I usually disagree with pitchfork, but not today. Weezer is a Brand, and Raditude sucks.
undermining legitimate criticism isn’t any better, guys. although looking at the recent posts on this site i’d assume this is about as useful as kicking a bus to get it started.
When did music stop being fun? I love weezer cos it’s a whole bunch of fun. It’s to bad that the guys at pitchfork have forgotten to have fun and just become a bunch of miserable, jaded old douchebags who sit alone at night listening to their vinyl of grizzly bear wondering….when was the last time I got laid……
These comments might be mean, but they’re all dead-on. Weezer’s first two albums were both insanely amazing all the way through and are two of my favorite albums of all time. Everything they’ve put out since then has been insulting garbage.
As a fan, I keep hoping they can tap back into their former greatness, but with each new album they keep regressing, and it’s depressing to witness.
“It’s to bad that the guys at pitchfork have forgotten to have fun and just become a bunch of miserable, jaded old douchebags who sit alone at night listening to their vinyl of grizzly bear wondering….when was the last time I got laid……”
OH MY GOD, YOU ARE HILARIOUS!
@lofilolo If a silly listicle undermines a piece of legitimate criticism, I’d suggest it wasn’t so legit in the first place.
you’re right, i should’ve said “attempting to undermine.”
In spite of it all, Weezer thrives. Suck it, pitch fork.
Shame on Pitchfork for their uppity, elitist attitude and their ill-gotten stab @ trying to make that Rock’n'Roll Peter Pan-Rivers Cuomo- into some kind of song-writing ogre! How refreshing that Weezer CAN constantly re-invent themselves-like a non-buff version of male Madonna’s! That is something to be celebrated in-and-of itself-because, UNLIKE PITCHFORK-Weezer is not stuck with their foot up their asses!
Pitchfork needs to go get an enema & hope that by unclogging their a-hole, they might quit being a-holes and sticking it to bands like Weezer-who offer something different and unique! Has Pitchfork ever enjoyed a live performance by Weezer? Because they are contagiously wonderful live! Yes-even singing “Hash Pipe!” Pitchfork-take some advise that you yourself have aptly named yourself what you should go do to yourself: PITCH A FORK! You’re over-heated, over-wrought, & overly impressed with your own dearth of musical intelligence! Stick a fork in that!
You know how the person who wrote this article said Rivers would probably read this and cry? His said in his latest Twitter update that he laughed.
I’d like to submit that despite giving all post-Pinkerton albums negative reviews, Pitchfork does post news updates in a more positive light, or at least in a somewhat amused fashion. Also it could be noted that out of all the hip/ironycore/blahblahetc bands Pitchfork covers, they still take interest in Weezer.
The idea that they could be singing or performing with more substance and maturity is what Pitchfork tries to get at most of the time. Weezer has tons of potential and they know it, and yet they just constantly straddle on the fence because going towards being that older, more substantial band would just be too hard. It’s easier to please people who would rather “just turn their brain off and enjoy”
Seriously, I like the band and all of their previous stuff. But, Raditude is fucking horrible. “Love Is The Answer”. Jesus, that’s bad.
Pitchfork is bang on – Raditude is cheesy and bad. I saw a kid wearing a weezer t-shirt recently that had “OLD” written in sharpie above it. Basically says it all.
Yes, The Blue Album and Pinkerton are absolute classics. But The Green Album and Maladroit are also good, even though the former is a huge regression lyrically. Make Believe is shit and The Red Album is random, but compared to the utter crap that clogs the charts, Weezer are still gods!
yeah, weezer can do pretty much whatever they want. Im in the “blue album & pinkerton” crowd too, but if i were 13 today and got my first taste of the band from raditude, then I just might love them as much as i did when the blue album hit the shelves in ’94. (new generation, different times, etc etc.) im sure someone out there can relate to the fact that its hard to maintain the same sound over a span of 15 yrs (or maybe not, what do i know)
Whatever. I was a teenager who loved and worshiped Weezer but I got over it thanks to growing up. Even the Blue Album kind of sucks in retrospect. I heard “In The Garage” the other day and realised how terrible and trite it really is. It wa sonly cool because it’s simple and repetitive and name-checks KISS and Dungeons and Dragons. I was in the camp that hated Pinkerton when it first came out and then warmed up to it to the point where I realized it’s the only genuine thing they might ever release with the name Weezer on it (outside of the genius Say It Ain’t So). Green album was formulaic but ultimately loveable. Hash Pipe sounds like a different band but who cares. Seriously. Rivers Cuomo could never really sing anyway. Raditude is dogshit but at least you knew it from the title and the cover. I’m happy for guys like Rivers and Pat who get to do whatever they want only because they have to trapse around the world 100 days out of the year and perform the same prepubescent schtick for the rest of their lives. They never had the grit to venture out into new and exciting places like Beck or The Flaming Lips or SELF or even Radiohead. If Kurdt Cobain had survived the shotgun blast Weezer might have never had a career past ’99, because dorky white kids from the 90s would have something to spend their money on every year (while maintaining a healthy boycott of Pearl Jam).
These critics are just a bunch of frustrated, and untalented, musicians hating on Weezer. If anybody should grow up, it should be the critics. Obviously Weezer is selling records.
Who’s up on stage, livin their dreams, playin shows, and makin tons of money? and then who’s sitting there crying about it all? hmmmmmmmm….. Let me think……The answer is obvious. Makes me laugh at pitchfork
While I take Pitchfork with a grain of salt even when they praise artists I like, I have to say that I never drank the Weezer Kool Aid so this is highly amusing. Even though I think they always sucked, I’m loving the meanness!
Saying that the Green Album is bad is just a cliche- it really isn’t bad. Raditude was also alright, with the exception of Can’t Stop Partying and some others.
Obviously blue and pinkerton are the best , they were two of the greatest albums of the 90′s. Don’t give a shit what pitchfork says about the last 5 weezer albums , they all have good songs on them.
one or two bad songs too, but the good ones shit on most of the other bands around at the moment.
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