10 Summer Songs That Need To Die

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[Editor’s note: It’s the last Friday of the summer, so your Flavorwire editors and writers are taking a much-needed break. We’ll return to our normal publishing schedule on Tuesday, but in the meantime, we’ll be revisiting some of our favorite content from the past few months. This post was originally published July 16, 2010.] Every summer there are certain songs that are completely inescapable. Whether it be at your family’s awkward 4th of July barbecue reunion or blasting inside the department stores you already feel kind of lame being inside, these hot weather-themed songs are totally unwelcome yet simply will not die. Below we have compiled a list of ten of these tracks that need check into the retirement home and spend their last few days out of earshot. Some of these are beloved classics, and we understand it may be hard to cast some of these into the fires of Lamedor, but one must have courage sometimes.

10. “Summer of ’69” – Bryan Adams

When your glory days were all the way back in ’69, it’s time for you to head to the glue factory. Order this song one retirement, please!

9. “Kokomo” – The Beach Boys

This is probably the song that hurts us most to have to include. The Beach Boys are awesome; that is simply common knowledge. And any video that features Uncle Jesse in a pink tank top is also, at least theoretically, really really awesome. But nevertheless, we can never listen to this song without at least one massive eye roll and a sigh of annoyance, as it has basically become the theme song for white people who wear “Hawaiian shirts” and go on cruises.

8. “Summer Nights” – Grease soundtrack

We know, we know: Grease is a classic, blah blah blah. But this song has been played to death (especially at junior high talent shows!) and needs to retire before we smother it with a leather sleeve.

7. “Summer Breeze” – Seals & Croft

“Summer Breeze” is like smooth jazz written for a feminine hygiene product commercial. A song that has no emotion, no feeling, and no cool is hardly even music at all. This is a song for people who either hate fun or haven’t learned how to have it yet.

6. “California Gurls” – Katy Perry

Yes, we know this song is new, but we’re already done with it. Oh, and Katy Perry? Stop stealing album names from Beach House, will you?

5. “Boys of Summer” – The Ataris

You can only hear a Don Henley cover played at Target so many times.

4. “Heatwave” – Martha Reeves & the Vandellas

At one point, we’re sure, this was a fantastic song. But considering it gets constant play just about every time the temperature tops 90 degrees, we’re getting kind of sick of it. What can we say? It gets hot, we get grouchy. (See also: “Dancing in the Street”)

3. “Soak Up The Sun” – Sheryl Crow

We dare you to find us a Sheryl Crow fan under 40. (We did just watch Jesus Camp last night, though, so we guess it’s possible they really are out there.)

2. “School’s Out” – Alice Cooper

There are few things more painful than watching a grown man who thinks saying “School is lame!” makes him way cool. That statement was barely daring in third grade, Alice!

1. “Margaritaville” – Jimmy Buffet

No explanation necessary.