Take a drink every time
…Bill says “Sookie” in that weirdly husky, Southern way. You know what we’re talking about.
…Tara cries. Or makes her mother cry.
…Hoyt tries to win Jessica back. Summer tries to win Hoyt back.
…We see Jason Stackhouse’s oh-so-touchable bare chest.
…Lafayette refers to anyone as “bitch,” “motherfucker,” or “hooker.”
…Sam wears an over-sized belt buckle.
…the werewolves howl while in human form. Just because it’s funny. We see a werepanther. Or hear the word “meth.”
Take a shot every time
…we see an ass shot.
…Russell talks about the Third Reich either literally or ideologically. (That is, if he’s not dead.)
… a thinly-veiled reference to dog fighting is made. We see a flashback of Angry Sam’s dark past.
…Talbot and Russell quarrel. We see Talbot in a jar.
…someone drinks V. Take another if it’s “from the source.”
…Arlene is the only person working at Merlotte’s.
…we see a flashback to Erik’s Viking days. Anyone visits Sookie’s fairy world.
…Franklin isn’t dead. Russell isn’t dead.
…Jessica glamours someone.
…Anyone has an intensely graphic sex dream. Or intensely graphic sex.
…Sookie insults Debbie for being white trash. Sookie chews out Eric, even if his plan works.
…Someone remembers that Pam (who is probably our favorite character on the show) exists.
Finish your drink if
…Alcide and Sookie hook up. Eric and Sookie hook up.
…Jason actually becomes a cop.
…Sophie-Anne, Magister, Pam, Eric, and Bill turn out to be working together. Sophie-Anne, Pam, Eric, and Bill turn out to be working together.
Finish the bottle if …Sookie turns out to be an angel, and this has all been a Christian allegory. (You’ll need the entire bottle to drown the memory of bad writing.) Eric dies. Because someone has to die, right?