What Your Bike Says About You


Do you ride a Yamaha V Star-950 cruiser with steel fenders and chrome-plated head covers? Use expressions like, “Nice steed?” Does the sight of an all-titanium bike frame get you randy? As you’ve probably heard by now, Pee-wee Herman recently made an appearance at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota, cocksure and pedaling his big red bike. We were both pleasantly surprised and concerned over the combination: plastic tassels and bow ties don’t usually mix with ink, leather and chrome. But does the bike really make the person? Yep. Click through to find out what yours reveals about you.

The Fixie: You’ve got a case of PBR in your courier bag

The Tandem: You’re co-dependent

The Recumbent: You’re not concerned with speed

The Cruiser: You’re a laid back vegetarian who listens to chillwave

The Mountain Bike: You made a New Year’s resolution to be more outdoorsy

The BMX: You drive a truck and drink a lot of Mountain Dew

The Huffy, or The Department Store Bike: You ride your bike on the sidewalk

The Pocket Bike: You’re working some sort of reverse-machismo

The Chopper: Your other bike is a Harley

The Unicycle: You know more than one card trick, can juggle, and weigh less than 150 pounds

The Tomahawk: You pity the rest of us, you’re having an affair, and you’re probably a jackass

The Electric Bike: You spend most of your time on Lifehacker’s website

The Optibike: You’ve got the Segway mentality, but don’t want to get your ass kicked