All over the Internet, bloggers are chortling over a newly released Saturday Night Live board game, which celebrates the show’s 35th anniversary. While we agree that now is not the ideal time to release such a product, considering the series is years (some might say decades) past its prime, we feel the need to point out that far more absurd TV-based board games have done time on the shelves of our nation’s toy stores. With the help of the invaluable Board Game Geek, we’ve collected 10 of those games. Minds, prepare to be boggled.
1. Saved by the Bell Game (1992) According to Board Game Geek, this game exhorts you to, “Be the first player to score 30 points. To score points, you must go out on a date with Zack and Slater and meet other Saved by the Bell kids in different places at Bayside High.” Some thoughts: Weren’t any heterosexual males watching SBTB? And what about Screech?
2. Married With Children Act Like…Think Like…Be Like a…Bundy (1990) And here we thought that the whole attraction to Married With Children was that we were better than those people…
3. The Alf Game (1987) “Players help Alf find his buddy Lucky the Cat while avoiding Mrs. Ochmonek, the nosy neighbor.” Because, you know, that’s a story line Alf didn’t wear out on the TV show…
4. Bonanza (1965) It’s not terribly surprising that someone would make a game based on this popular Western series. What gets us is that the someone turned out to be… Germany.
5. Friends Game (2002) Drink coffee, dance in the fountain, hook up with your pals… that’s pretty much what life amounted to for the Friends crew. But where’s the game in that? Well, there was this one episode where Ross invented a game and made everyone play it… and, just for “meta” kicks, this is that game.
6. The All in the Family Game (1972) Here’s how it works: The “MC” asks a “loaded” question and players write and anonymously submit their responses. Then, they match the answers to the person they think wrote them. Apparently, “You will find some players are so much like Archie (or Edith) that you can’t tell the difference.” What, you didn’t want to find out your dad was racist?
7. Kojak Detective Game (1975) This sounds like a super-confusing version of Clue. But mostly, we just think anything involving Kojak is funny.
8. Welcome Back, Kotter: The Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose Game (1976) What you need to know about this game is, the object is to complete the phrase “up your nose with a rubber hose.” That is just too wonderful for words.
9. Angel: The Board Game (2001) The creators of this game were probably wise to assume that their audience would be right at home with the 20-sided die.
10. Full House Board Game (1992) “Players travel around the board, moving from neighborhood to neighborhood collecting cards with pictures of character’s [sic] in the show.” If the game board really does represent the Tanners’ hometown of San Francisco, we’ll expect to find Joey in the Castro and Gibbler doing acid in Haight-Ashbury.