Chart of Excellence: The Periodic Table of Rockin'


If you happen to be a chemistry nerd and a metalhead — and believe us, there’s quite an overlap — it’s tempting to think about metal music as actual different kinds of metal. Iron Maiden would obviously be ferrous — but what metal is Metallica, exactly? Would Foghat be inert? Luckily, the folks over at Roadside Jesus have compiled this periodic table of rockin’, complete with explanations for each element.

Poison, for example, falls into the “Poor Metals” category because, “My friend, I have heard that if one is bitten on the ass, another may have to suck the poison out. This band is all about the sucking and the asses, yet somehow, the Poison remains, always asking to be talked dirty to.” Though we dispute his characterization of Neil Young as “transitional metal,” it’s still a pretty well-thought out table. Check out more tidbits at Roadside Jesus’s site.