Jamie Johnson Is Such a Tool that We’re Sticking Up for the Oscars


There’s something about the title of Jamie Johnson’s most recent column for VF.com (which we landed on thanks to YM) that ruffled our feathers: Why Wasps Don’t Watch the Oscars. Huh. The flippancy sums up our problem with this socialite filmmaker — he likes to use the very society he’s shaking a finger at to advance the career that he doesn’t need.

In our humble opinion, it’s either in or out Groucho Marx.

But we read on, lest we be accused of being too judgmental. Plus, we were surprised to hear that there’s anyone who wouldn’t want to watch the Oscars — well, aside from almost *EVERYONE. You know, everyday types who find the ceremony boring, irrelevant, or uncomfortable in the Hugh Jackman production numbers. Boy are we glad we did, because that’s when we stumbled on this little Johnson gem:

“Friends of mine always like to joke about a family portrait that hangs in a prominent apartment on Fifth Avenue. In the foreground, the family stands posing together at banquet; and behind them, obscured by a debauched looking group of dancing revelers, Chopin is shown slaving away at the piano. According to family records, the legendary pianist did in fact perform as the portrait was rendered.”

So there it is. The kind of Wasps Jamie knows (and likes to put in his documentaries!) — who “perceive the continual rise of an aristocracy ordained by the media as a sign marking the diminishing authority of the former ruling class” and think of entertainers as toys — are only interested in Kate Winslet or AR Rahman or Penelope Cruz in 2-D form, lurking in the background of one of their paintings.

Our big question for Jamie — what happens if one of his little documentaries gets nominated for an Academy Award one year? Will the “Rockefellers, Vanderbilts, and Whitneys” refuse to tune in? Will they buy the rights to the ceremony and force the entire show to take place in the background of one of their fancy banquets?

Nevermind. We’ve seen Born Rich. Keep ridin’ that fence, Johnson & Johnson; you’re safe for now.

* Yes, we know the ratings were higher this year. And we’re convinced that aliens and/or robots are involved.