There is a whole lot of conventional wisdom on Halloween: Women use it as an excuse to dress sexy without being called slutty. Guys get a safe space to indulge their cross-dressing fantasies. And, for just about everyone, the holiday is an open invitation to do things we wouldn’t normally do — because we’re wearing masks and sequins and funny hats and that means we’re not accountable for our own actions, dammit! Beyond those broad generalizations, though, we had to ask ourselves: Can we stereotype people more specifically, by their individual costumes? Of course we can. And we will, after the jump. Add your own in the comments.
Halloween classics
Witch Unimaginative gals
Sexy witch Unimaginative gals looking to get laid
Dracula Unimaginative men who hear chicks are into vampires or something
Sexy Dracula More desperate version of above
Ghost Unimaginative people of all genders with body image issues
Sexy ghost Unimaginative people of all genders who are frankly kind of confused about how much skin they should be showing
Pumpkin Babies with unimaginative and/or lazy parents
Pirate People who are living in 2005
Ninja People who are living in 2003
Princess Girls who cried when the car they got for their Sweet 16 wasn’t expensive enough
Gorilla Dudes who want to fuck shit up without being recognized
Zombie People who want an excuse to get totally wasted and bang into stuff
Devil People who confuse rebellion with evil
Sexy devil People who confuse promiscuity with evil
Angel People whose sense of irony is just beginning to develop
Sexy angel Lapsed Catholics, deeply conflicted Christians
Cat Girls who make purring sounds at inopportune moments
Banana The bro whose picture appears in the (slang) dictionary next to the definition of “dealbreaker”
Fairy Manic pixie dream girl wannabes
Werewolf Lazy beardos
Historical
Cleopatra Ladies who describe themselves as “strong” and “independent” in their social media profiles
Jesus That guy who keeps trying to shock you by telling you he’s an atheist
Marie Antoinette Sex and the City fans who think going as Carrie would be way too obvi
Hippie Hipsters who secretly listen to Jefferson Airplane
Flapper Women who strongly identify with the word “ingenue”
Knight Guys who dabble in live-action role playing games
Pocahontas Gals who like Disney, don’t understand history
Cowboy Men who tear up when they hear “Desperado”
Greaser Guys who talk to themselves in the bathroom mirror
Mod Girls who have little time, lots of black and white in their wardrobe
Jester That guy at work who’s always forwarding your entire office “HI-larious” chain joke emails
Beatnik Frustrated poets
Goddess Women who want to talk to you about chakras
Caveman Dudes looking for an excuse to make sexist jokes all night
Tavern wench Ladies who want men to look at them and think about beer
Ancient Greek People too hungover to come up with a costume that doesn’t involve a dirty bed sheet. Toga! Toga!
Pop culture
Snooki Precocious tweens with bad parents
The Situation Men who profess to be disgusted by, but in reality are very jealous of, the Jersey Shore bros
Disney princess Adult women who buy themselves flowers; little girls with indulgent parents
Teletubby The guy who is trying to tell you something important, if only you’d listen
Lady Gaga Mainstream girls who wish you’d acknowledge their artsy side
Bob Marley Post-college bros looking to recycle pot-leaf T-shirts, who think there’s nothing funnier than a white dude in a dreadlock wig
Princess Leia Ladies who are sick of competing with video games for their boyfriends’ attention
Darth Vader Guys looking to camouflage acne
Scooby Doo gang Stoner cliques
Alice in Wonderland Goth chicks who want to do something “unexpected” this year
Superman Men who have been looking for a good excuse to wear nylons
Marilyn Monroe Women who tell you they like old movies, haven’t seen many of them
Freddy Krueger Guys who tell you they like horror movies, haven’t seen many of them
Britney Spears People of both genders who are always the last ones to get the joke
Barbie Girls who will not date you, don’t even ask
Politics
Barack Obama Dudes who still insert “Yes we can” into casual conversations
Sarah Palin Women intent on recycling last year’s naughty secretary costume
Joe Biden Guys who know they’re getting too drunk on Halloween to control their utterances
John McCain No one’s dressing up as McCain this year — that’s an actual elderly man
Christine O’Donnell Funny Wiccans
Keith Olbermann Men with naturally red faces
Rachel Maddow Butch lesbians who don’t feel like changing out of their work clothes; men who resemble Ira Glass
Bill O’Reilly The far left and far right
Glenn Beck Guys looking for an excuse to weep openly
Ann Coulter People — mostly men — who would like to simultaneously wear a short skirt and make a political statement
Richard Nixon People who think opposing the Republican party is somehow revolutionary