Stereotyping People By Their Halloween Costumes

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There is a whole lot of conventional wisdom on Halloween: Women use it as an excuse to dress sexy without being called slutty. Guys get a safe space to indulge their cross-dressing fantasies. And, for just about everyone, the holiday is an open invitation to do things we wouldn’t normally do — because we’re wearing masks and sequins and funny hats and that means we’re not accountable for our own actions, dammit! Beyond those broad generalizations, though, we had to ask ourselves: Can we stereotype people more specifically, by their individual costumes? Of course we can. And we will, after the jump. Add your own in the comments.

Halloween classics

Witch Unimaginative gals

Sexy witch Unimaginative gals looking to get laid

Dracula Unimaginative men who hear chicks are into vampires or something

Sexy Dracula More desperate version of above

Ghost Unimaginative people of all genders with body image issues

Sexy ghost Unimaginative people of all genders who are frankly kind of confused about how much skin they should be showing

Pumpkin Babies with unimaginative and/or lazy parents

Pirate People who are living in 2005

Ninja People who are living in 2003

Princess Girls who cried when the car they got for their Sweet 16 wasn’t expensive enough

Gorilla Dudes who want to fuck shit up without being recognized

Zombie People who want an excuse to get totally wasted and bang into stuff

Devil People who confuse rebellion with evil

Sexy devil People who confuse promiscuity with evil

Angel People whose sense of irony is just beginning to develop

Sexy angel Lapsed Catholics, deeply conflicted Christians

Cat Girls who make purring sounds at inopportune moments

Banana The bro whose picture appears in the (slang) dictionary next to the definition of “dealbreaker”

Fairy Manic pixie dream girl wannabes

Werewolf Lazy beardos

Historical

Cleopatra Ladies who describe themselves as “strong” and “independent” in their social media profiles

Jesus That guy who keeps trying to shock you by telling you he’s an atheist

Marie Antoinette Sex and the City fans who think going as Carrie would be way too obvi

Hippie Hipsters who secretly listen to Jefferson Airplane

Flapper Women who strongly identify with the word “ingenue”

Knight Guys who dabble in live-action role playing games

Pocahontas Gals who like Disney, don’t understand history

Cowboy Men who tear up when they hear “Desperado”

Greaser Guys who talk to themselves in the bathroom mirror

Mod Girls who have little time, lots of black and white in their wardrobe

Jester That guy at work who’s always forwarding your entire office “HI-larious” chain joke emails

Beatnik Frustrated poets

Goddess Women who want to talk to you about chakras

Caveman Dudes looking for an excuse to make sexist jokes all night

Tavern wench Ladies who want men to look at them and think about beer

Ancient Greek People too hungover to come up with a costume that doesn’t involve a dirty bed sheet. Toga! Toga!

Pop culture

Snooki Precocious tweens with bad parents

The Situation Men who profess to be disgusted by, but in reality are very jealous of, the Jersey Shore bros

Disney princess Adult women who buy themselves flowers; little girls with indulgent parents

Teletubby The guy who is trying to tell you something important, if only you’d listen

Lady Gaga Mainstream girls who wish you’d acknowledge their artsy side

Bob Marley Post-college bros looking to recycle pot-leaf T-shirts, who think there’s nothing funnier than a white dude in a dreadlock wig

Princess Leia Ladies who are sick of competing with video games for their boyfriends’ attention

Darth Vader Guys looking to camouflage acne

Scooby Doo gang Stoner cliques

Alice in Wonderland Goth chicks who want to do something “unexpected” this year

Superman Men who have been looking for a good excuse to wear nylons

Marilyn Monroe Women who tell you they like old movies, haven’t seen many of them

Freddy Krueger Guys who tell you they like horror movies, haven’t seen many of them

Britney Spears People of both genders who are always the last ones to get the joke

Barbie Girls who will not date you, don’t even ask

Politics

Barack Obama Dudes who still insert “Yes we can” into casual conversations

Sarah Palin Women intent on recycling last year’s naughty secretary costume

Joe Biden Guys who know they’re getting too drunk on Halloween to control their utterances

John McCain No one’s dressing up as McCain this year — that’s an actual elderly man

Christine O’Donnell Funny Wiccans

Keith Olbermann Men with naturally red faces

Rachel Maddow Butch lesbians who don’t feel like changing out of their work clothes; men who resemble Ira Glass

Bill O’Reilly The far left and far right

Glenn Beck Guys looking for an excuse to weep openly

Ann Coulter People — mostly men — who would like to simultaneously wear a short skirt and make a political statement

Richard Nixon People who think opposing the Republican party is somehow revolutionary