[Editor’s note: A few weeks ago I came across “Greg Rutter’s Definitive List of the 99 things you should have already experienced on the Internet unless you’re a loser or old or something”. While I self identify with neither of the former groups, I recognized about five of the memes on the list, which made me feel sad inside. Remedying the situation seemed like so much work…. but then I remembered: I have an intern! I can force him to click all 99 links and then report back to me on which ones are worth my time! So he did. Number 40 made us cry. Find links to all 99, along with his reviews, after the jump. Leave your favorite number in the comments.]
1. Grape Stomp
America’s Funniest Videos, who?! Sure to make you spew your beverage of choice onto your computer screen. Even funnier than the grape stomper’s dive (and blood curdling yelps) is the reaction of the news anchors in their best Southern drawls.
Exploiting kids being kids via YouTube is all the rage, but Dakota Fanning, he’s not. Meh.
With the smooth pipes of Barry White meets Count Dracula, and the appearance of a pre-pubescent middle school-er, this uber talented kid is the reason we never volunteered for the choir solo. Damn him!
4. Dancing Baby
Before the So You Think You Can Dance? and YouTube days (remember those?), we distracted ourselves with this dancing baby. In fact, the dancing baby is the only thing we remember about Ally McBeal besides our Calista Flockheart health concerns.
5. Post Secret
Let’s “post” our really inappropriate (a health care worker whose mind is in the gutter) or nauseating (fortune cookies-gone-bad) “secrets” and, voi-freakin’-la!: you have Post Secret, the most fulfilling guilty pleasure since the Spice Girls reunion tour.
Attempting to find the deeper meaning in this triptastic-of-a-clip is fun (we see Charlie representing the bitter New Yorker avoiding the overly giddy tourists with their big ass maps on the subway). OK. Nevermind. It’s more like My Little Pony on acid.
Who knew Mentos + Diet Coke could = anything more than a sugar high and/or cavity? Scientists have way too much time on their hands…
8. Numa Numa
How could you not heart someone who lip syncs and gets their frantic dance on to the Miya Hee, Miya Hoo song?
Say this three times super fast: Peanut butta jelly, peanut butta jelly, peanut butta jelly wit a baseball bat. Talk about nostalgia. Is there a workout video to this that we’re not aware of? Suzanne Somers needs to get on that.
So how did George Lucas come up with Star Wars? Let the force be with you, really, and watch this.
This is the most effective way to make an already annoyingly well-known movie line even more I-can’t-get-you-outta-my-head. Maybe don’t watch it.
The Japanese Jonas Brothers
13. Star Wars Kid
Darth Maul’s biggest, biggest fan. (We’re going to blogger hell for that one.)
14. Bubb Rubb
Listen up, M trashy TV: Why don’t Bubb “It’s like an alarm clock: WOO WOO!” Rubb and Lil Sis have their own reality show?
Screw Scientology, this is the best made-up religion ever.
Best Acting for a Chipmunk in a Drama goes to…
17. Homestar Runner
Who said cartoons were dead? If you haven’t been in on the know with this flash cartoon web phenom, get with it. Suggestion: peep the “Strong Bad E-Mail” toon and prepare to laugh your face off.
GI Joe loses his shit when some kiddies burn the pork chop sandwiches: “F-ck, we’re all dead! Get the f-ck out of here!” This is some amazing absurdness, we tell ya.
19. Fail Blog
Bookmark this, refresh frequently and laugh yourself to tears.
Speaking of failing, you know you suck at life if Tillman, a bulldog, can skateboard way better than you.
Instead of an intern being fired when a Japanese video game was poorly translated to English, the crazies over at Something Awful message boards jumped on it. This spawned the beat-heavy, electro-pumping “All Your Base Are Belong To Us” video clip that’s sometimes laughable.
22. Winnebago Man
Who is this man and did Shannon Doherty take being difficult on set lessons from him? Thank you for making us pee our pants, Winnebago Man. We effin heart you, you grumpy old S.O.B.
23. We Like The Moon
The creepy, bug-eyed Quizno’s Rats with their screechy, damaged larynx remind us of Alvin and the Chipmunks on crack. And that’s why we love them.
Cats gone wild! A cat seeking art therapy, a cat in need of AA, and a cat with OCD: It’s all here!
25. Barney Vs. Tupac
This kills our “I hate you, you hate me, let’s get together and kill Barney” parody from childhood.
This trailer turns the classic horror flick into more of a Lifetime movie.
27. Cute Overload
If you have some sort of beating pulse, these adorable images of furry friends could give you the smiles for days. But if you’re heartless (as we are), you’re probably thinking something to the extent of: “Humans and their damn animal obsessions!” Find another hobby, please.
28. Rick Roll
Basically peeps with a little too much time on their hands joined together and tricked folks into clicking links about insert random subject. Instead, the link directs the viewers to, surprise! the Rick Roll video. Blech.
29. Lazy Sunday
Mr. Pibb + Red Vines Still = Crazy Delicious!
Definitely in our top 5 fave YouTube vids. As one user commented on lil David’s post-drugged up dental experience, “I need to get on HIS level.”
Note to Alex Rodriguez: this energy drink is right up your alley.
Apologies to The Lion King, this clip of Christian the lion being reunited with his keepers juxtaposed with Whitney’s “I Will Always Love You” is pure movie magic. We just feel bad for Siegfried and Roy — this must (no pun intended) really hurt.
Our fave muppets ante-ing it up while simultaneously cracking us up is a must see.
34. Lady Punch
The title says it all. She’s a total MILRF (Mother I’d Like to RUN From…).
The money quote: “It could be a crackhead that got hold to the wrong stuff and it told him to get up in the tree and play a leprechaun!”
We all know Matt: that way-too-happy dude who does this silly dance showing off every damn country he visits in the world. We’re not jealous or anything…
Considering he made Miss Teen USA South Carolina’s stutter-fest-of-a-response seem genius, we assume this was his first, and last, day as the Sports Guy. This is painful, painfulll to watch. Yet we cannot stop.
Someone was watching Step Up instead of Sesame Street. This baby got mad skillz, yo.
The only way we can stomach the tool that is Jeff Goldblum is Jeff Goldblum after a few Jamesons on the rocks.
You’re missing out on a week long laughing fit if you haven’t come across the lovely Scarlet. Seriously, we didn’t even know we possessed mouth muscles that could stretch that wide or such overactive tear ducts.
These kiddies will single-handedly save the music (does VH1 play music anymore?) and prove rock n’ roll is not dead.
This news anchor apparently had Brokeback on the mind.
43. Afro Ninja
As inspired by FAILBlog: Ninja audition LOL-inducing FAIL.
“I’m the only one in this room professional enough that I know of to carry this gun…” BOOM! Are you sure about that officer? Class dismissed.
45. Tron Guy
Most Creative Halloween Costume? Self-proclaimed computer geek’s life discusses net neutrality, his life-changing costume and other stuff that we’ll pretend we comprehend/care about.
No more Chris Crocker, please.
47. Laughing Baby
Fran Drescher + the Wicked Witch’s kid, albeit we wouldn’t wanna pinch his cheeks.
“My suit’s so tight I don’t even need no condom, look at what my outfit’s made of.” HA!
Talk (or laugh) about symbolism.
The only ’80s video that isn’t unintentionally funny. It just is.
After a technical malfunction, Bill O’ effin Reilly has a malfunction of his own. Seriously, can we turn him off?
Both unnerving and funny, this bro’s fighting words at a John Kerry conference were, um, shocking.
53. The Landlord
Long live Pearl — bring this kid out of retirement.
While the breakdancing kiddo in numero 38 has got the skills, this baby really takes “feeling it” to another level. Ouch. Where were his parents?!
55. The Pet Penguin
Although PETA cannot be happy about this, we kind of really want a happy feet of our own!
Insert dumb blond joke here _____ .
Sarah Silverman’s gift to her then boo, Jimmy Kimmel. Considering their on-again, off-again status, we’re guessing he didn’t get the joke…
58. Will It Blend
Sorry Steve Jobs. Regardless of those overpriced, hip, protective covers, the iPhone is not that durable. Proof here.
59. Spaghetti Cat
Was this shot on April Fool’s Day? The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet had quite the surprise guest with Spaghetti Cat. The intern who effed up should totally get on salary.
Fact or Fiction: Tom Cruise proves Scientology is witch magic. FACT.
61. Little Superstar
Possible frontman to the next Jackson Five, complete with controlling parent.
62. Chad Vader
Darth Vader is reinvented here as Chad, the dorky, misunderstood day manager of a grocery store who can’t seem to get his employees to take him seriously.
This is why Arthur the weather man makes us want to move to Haiti… pretty much everyday would be fantastic waking up to him and his happiness.
64. I Like Turtles
Does this zombie kid have a pulse? The newswoman’s reaction is priceless: “You’re a great zombie.”
Fred and Sharon (Kristen Wiig’s parents!?) remind us of our too-embarrassed-to-call-them-relatives who won a camcorder at a bingo tournament and took an intro to computer skills class.
This clip of Ozzy Osbourne and his guitarist’s confusing stage antics complete with a stoned crowd makes Amy Winehouse seem crack-free.
67. Hawaii Chair
Changing the workplace forever, we present the absurd “feels great on my abs!” Hawaii Chair. And we kind of really want one.
68. Aussie Party
In one video, we’ve found the Australian Nancy Grace and the male equivalent of Miley Cyrus. Oh, the joys of the YouTubes.
“I knew that motherfucker before he wore shoes! He ate tofu in the dark back at New College.”
So, this is how Cris Angel learned magic.
Hey, following a chaotic evening with Jack (and Coke), you might mistake a butterfly for a horse too!
Two words: head isolations.
73. Leroy Jenkins
74. Pinky The Cat
Pinky’s a very loving cat, so much so that he’s “Pet of the Week.” (You had us fooled for about 3 seconds…) Here, Pinky confuses her ball of yarn for another pair of balls (her owner’s). We’re sticking to dogs.
76. Sneezing Panda
We suddenly want to Netflix Kungfu Panda.
Maybe we should all get locked up and then we won’t play all day on Perez AND we’ll be a YouTube sensation. Forreal, we always did want to master the “Thriller” moves.
78. Techno Viking
Someone escaped the Gladiator 2 set, boasting his original Mortal Kombat meets rave choreography in the streets. It could be just us, but we wouldn’t be surprised seeing him and his Hercule’s get-up on Bedford Ave.
79. Ask A Ninja
“You Got Questions, Ninja Got Answers.” Hilarious ones.
Best-man-turned-top-of-the-shit-list in a record breaking 3 seconds.
Leave it to those musical theater freaks to make it impossible for us untalented folk to ever top this full-out musical montage of a wedding toast.
The third wheel kitten’s version of saying “You make me sick.”
“We may need emergency surgery in the studio.” Way to go, Mr. Obvi.
84. Matrix Ping Pong
The title says it all, and then some. This will make your eyeballs go cray cray with astonishment.
Wait, we may have just peed our pants and ruptured our vocal chords. Scarred 4 LyFe!!
Forget number 85, we haven’t been this scurred since Large Marge from Pee Wee’s Playhouse. WTF. Who let him out?!
Why can’t our dad be this awesome?
Who said the music video was dead? Now we need to go workout.
Survival of the fittest. We’ve never been more emotionally invested in an animal’s story since Bambi. And who knew buffaloes were so bad ass?
90. Daft Hands
So this is what they mean by “spirit fingers…”
91. Human Beatbox
This dude’s noise-making grill is beyond dope. We can’t handle this brilliance. Give up now, J. Timberlake.
Former radio VJ Matt McAllister set the Guinness World Record for most t-shirts worn at one time. He’s also at the forefront of the clothing layering movement.
93. Zero G Dog
All dogs go to heaven, especially if you forget to put their seat belt on while flying a helicopter.
94. Cuppy Cakes Song
Adorable pudgy kid singing about cupcakes. Sweeeet.
George Washington rocked the white wig, wooden teeth and, according to this jam, was the man responsible for cocaine.
96. Scary Maze Prank
Little boy develops an early heart condition. Way to go, Dad of the Year!
97. Gay Referee
How could you ever get mad at this referee and his overt display of team spirit? Some people are just really, really in touch with their emotions and the love of the game..
As former Late Late Show host Craig Kilborn (we miss you!) puts it, “Bear in tree + tranquilizer gun = Comedy.”
As one user commented, the reporter went from gentlemen to G after “shit flying in my mouth!” Aren’t newsreporters supposed to have hometown pride? Hil-ar-i-ous.