Lonely concern trolls and single snarksters, rejoice! Gawker has just announced #gawkerdating, which may well be the world’s first hashtag-based dating service. This suggests an entire universe of sarcastic jokes about nasty comments sections, infamous bloggers, and other media wonkery. So, guess what? We’re going to make all of them. Without any further ado, we present to you 15 pickup lines to use on the new Gawker dating service. Prove you’re wittier than their commenters by adding your own.
Are you Christine O’Donnell? Because I’d pay four figures to hear about a night with you.
It would take more than 4chan to crash our love.
Sweetheart, I’m the only unique visitor you’ll ever need.
I’m looking for a lady with the wit of Richard Lawson and the body of Emily Gould.
#1 Kotaku commenter seeks Jezebelle for #tips.
I’m Julia Allison without all the drama; you’re Jakob Lodwick without all the crazy.
Girl, you’re more valuable than an iPhone prototype in the hands of a drunken Apple employee.
Every time I look at you, my thoughts turn NSFW.
My last boyfriend was a #stalker, so I’m looking to upgrade to #stalkerdeluxe
The ladies call me “Fleshbot.”
I don’t care if you call me again. Just don’t trash me in the comments.
Forget about Lifehacker — I’m all you need to Upgrade Your Life.
You make me look forward to the day when Phyllis Nefler mocks our wedding.
Emotionally unavailable blog mogul seeks bottom for BDSM play and possible employment.
Um, I don’t need a date or anything, but if anyone has tips on how I could break into media, I’m willing to trade sexual favors…