New Musical Genres We’d Like to See in 2011

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Music writers have long amused themselves inventing new genre names – it’s one of the perks of the job, along with CDs to review (less relevant today, sadly), guest list spots, and dismal per-word rates. However, with the “invention” of chillwave, a blog dedicated to satirizing hipster culture (while also embracing it, really) coined a silly genre name that was then adopted by said hipsters and thus brought into actual real existence. It’s all too postmodern for words. One day, future generations will look at our culture with a mixture of amusement and bewilderment. So let’s give them some more genres to scratch their heads over in 2011.

Altered Runoffwave

Instead of spending another year pushing the virtues of various genres of tenuous existence and even more tenuous merit, we suggest that the chin-strokers of Pitchfork and the snarky satirists of Hipster Runoff pool their resources to create one hybrid über-metagenre, which can then be sealed away in stasis for the rest of time, so the rest of us can just get back to, y’know, listening to music. Except for Balam Acab. Because his EP was good.

Studwave

Since we’re on Hipster Runoff, while we’re all for Carles’ (hopefully) satirical take on the likes of Ke$ha and Katy Perry with his new-ish “slutwave” genre, we’re all for gender equality, too. Therefore we propose a genre that exuberantly proclaims male sexuality in all its unashamed glory, unlike… Oh, OK, every other genre already does that? Right.

Lit-Hop

Hip hop production today is as lush and technically proficient as it’s ever been. Hip hop lyricism is almost invariably complete and utter horseshit. In 2010, Kanye West’s album embodied the divide perfectly. So, for 2011, can we ask for at least the occasional MC who rhymes about more than the size of his/her bank account and his/her sexual prowess?

Post-Doom Metal

We saw this phrase on a blog the other day. We’re assuming that it means it’s cool to like Sunn 0))) now.

Eurogrunge

1991 was 20 years ago next year. By the law of the music world’s two-decade cycles, it’s time for the neo-grunge revival to really kick into full swing, and also time for people to embrace the other defining sound of the early ’90s: Eurodance. Instead of just rehashing the past, though, why not combine the two? Flanelette shirts and spandex, distorted guitars and four-to-the-floor beats… It could be beautiful, kids!

Post-Irony

Please?