Will you still need David Bowie, will you still feed David Bowie, when he’s 64? In a word, yes. Our favorite alien to love is celebrating that Beatle-tastic birthday tomorrow. We’re commemorating the occasion with a little retrospective in quiz form. Find out which of Bowie’s famous personae, from Ziggy Stardust to rock’s elder statesman, is right for you, after the jump.
1. Who is your biggest musical influence? A. Lou Reed B. Cocaine C. Eno D. Pixies
2. Your dressing room is burning down. Your makeup is on fire! You can save only one item of clothing. What will it be? A. My skintight space jumpsuit, of course. B. Cocaine C. My leather trench coat. D. My tweed blazer
3. Who is the most important person in your life, besides your beautiful self? A. Angie B. Cocaine C. Iggy Pop D. Iman
4. What is your drug of choice? A. Marijuana B. Cocaine C. Noise D. The occasional tumbler of Scotch, to calm my nerves
5. What do you look for in a woman? A. Just about the same thing I look for in a man. Hotness. B. Cocaine C. Can’t date, too busy noodling D. Unearthly perfection
6. How do you spend your free time? A. Orgies, pretty much B. Cocaine C. Inventing new sounds D. Puttering around my beautiful home
7. Where do you call home? A. London B. Cocaine. Er, Los Angeles. Same difference. C. Wall-era Berlin D. New York
8. What is your motto? A. “Watch that man.” B. “Gooold wah wah wah… cocaine?” C. “We can be heroes.” D. “Maybe I’m born right out of my time.”
If you scored mostly A’s: You are Ziggy Stardust — a young, bombastic, bisexual rock star from outer space. Have fun sowing your wild oats… but be sure to use protection!
If you scored mostly B’s: You are the Thin White Duke, and you are coke-aholic. You’ve passed the realm of experimentation and veered into the terrifying waters of hardcore, paranoid, skin-and-bones addiction. Seriously, it’s time to get help.
If you scored mostly C’s: You are Ein Berliner. Now that your days of excess are behind you, you can focus on what’s really important: making the best, weirdest music of your career, along with your best buds Iggy Pop and Brian Eno, influenced by Berlin, with its Kraut rock and proximity to the Soviet wasteland.
If you scored mostly D’s: You are the Elder Statesman. Although your heyday has long since passed, you are still considered one of rock’s greatest living musicians. You’ve adopted a quieter persona, become a family man, and are content to tinker with personal projects and anoint your favorite new bands with occasional guest appearances.