Some Menu Suggestions for the New Rolling Stone Restaurant

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Well, here’s one way to try and save print media: Rolling Stone is opening it very own eatery. Rolling Stone Los Angeles will be “the first Rolling Stone Restaurant & Lounge” — which we assume means that if it’s successful, we should expect more to pop up. Should the Hard Rock Café be shaking in its studded boots?

Honestly, we’re not sure the world needs a music magazine-themed dining experience. But since it’s happening whether we like it or not, we thought we’d provide the new executive chef with ideas for some dishes inspired by some of Rolling Stone‘s recent covers.

Lil Wayne’s purple drank martini: Your classic gin martini, with a shot of cough syrup and a Jolly Rancher instead of an olive. Mark our words, this brand-new girlie drink will be bigger at bachelorette parties than the Cosmo.

Lady Gaga’s braised pork butt: Table-side milk-gun service will run you an extra five bucks.

Christina Aguilera’s big plate of crow: We’re pretty sure that’s all she’s been eating since she effed up the national anthem at the Super Bowl.

True Blood‘s blood sausage duo, with strawberry cheesecake for dessert.

Katy Perry’s Snowball surprise: A classed-up take on the classic Hostess snack cakes (which, you’ll note, come in packs of two) that wouldn’t be out of place in the “California Gurls” video.

The Don Draper special: Three well-dressed Cornish game hens and a bottle of Scotch. This one will be all the rage for business lunches.

Keith Richards’ vodka-soaked beef jerky: Simulates the look, feel, and chemical effects of eating Keef’s skin.

Barack Obama’s American Pie: They’re a music magazine. He’s the president. Please make this happen.