And Now, Some Much-Needed Career Advice for Meg White

By
Share:

So, we took out The White Stripes with yesterday’s trash, and already, Jack White has announced he’s teaming up with Danger Mouse for some crazy Jack White collaboration project we’d pretty much expect from someone like Jack White. His label, Third Man, is also as busy as ever churning out bizarre singles (featuring anamatronic monkey-musicians!). And all we can think is: but what about Meg White, everyone’s favorite “minimalist” female drummer who was definitely not just “kind of there?”

Meggles, it’s crunch time. Hate to tell you, but you’re the favorite member of this duo to be voted “Most Likely To Fall Off The Face Of The Earth.” After the jump, take a look at some of the next moves we’ve thought up for you — it’ll be for your own good.

1. Form an Ambient Noise Duo with a Metronome

Pro: In one fell swoop, she can answer to of her biggest criticisms as a drummer: that she’s a non-presence on singles and more than a little sloppy. If she goes all in on simplicity, which she calls her greatest strength, who knows how far she’ll go!

Con: She still runs the risk of being pegged as the member who can’t pull her weight by critics everywhere.

2. Join Tilly and The Wall

Pro: The indie pop band doesn’t have a drummer to provide their beats, but rather a tap dancer. Meg’s reputation as an MIA drummer probably wouldn’t make it a problem to have both, either.

Con: There goes the no-drummer schtick.

3. Go Solo, Write Angry Songs About Jack White

Pro: Even though the split seemed amicable, this would be classic boy-girl band breakup. The songs may not be good, but they’ll definitely sell.

Con: Is the Taylor Swift model of lonesomeness really a respectable one to follow?

4. Keep Practicing Until The White Stripes’ Reunion Tour

Pro: It’s inevitable that they’ll reunite to play some big shows down the road. May as well take some lessons and blow everyone away ten years from now?

Con: All the 42-year-olds in the sold-out Madison Square Garden crowd will be too belligerent to notice.

5. Pull a Courtney Love

Pro: Get wild! Go a little crazy! Give Charlie Sheen a call — he’ll help a sister out! That way, she can sell some tabloid covers and spice up that boring old Wikipedia page of hers. Maybe even get a cool tribal armband tattoo out of it.

Con: Tribal armbands aren’t cool. Also, poor Courtney.

6. Open a Rock Music School for Children (After Failing at Starting a Band with Them)

Pro: It worked in School of Rock.

Con: It’s lifted directly from the plot of School of Rock.