Exploring the Warped World of 1-800 Flowers


If you’re a person who likes fresh flowers, one of the best things about living in New York is that they’re readily available in most corner delis. This might explain why before today we’ve never ventured on to the 1-800 Flowers website. As you might expect, a lot of the stuff that they offer is pretty standard — big bouquets of brightly colored roses, tulips, daisies, etc. — but then there are a few inexplicable wild cards thrown into the mix that suggest that someone working there must have a deliciously dark sense of humor. Click through to find out what we’re talking about.

St. Patrick’s Day Flower Basket

Yes. Your eyes aren’t fooling you, those are actual potatoes. Or as 1-800 Flowers refers to them, “the symbolic food of Ireland.”

Justin Bieber “One Less Lonely Girl” Bouquet

What you need to know: these roses were “personally selected by Justin for his fans” and were featured in his movie Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. And while $79 might seem like an outrageous sum to spend on flowers for a tween, there is added value: it comes with an exclusive “One Less Lonely Girl” scarf and a 4-month membership to Justin Bieber’s fan club, Bieber Fever.

Make Lemonade™ in a Vase

If someone sent us a bouquet with a lemon in the bottom of the vase, we’d probably be confused and/or insulted, believing it to be some kind of coded message. We’d also be unsure of what to do with the lemon once the flowers died.

Cupcake in Bloom™ in Hot Pink

“Sweet as a cupcake. Without the calories.” Can you imagine the kind of person who would prefer a giant cupcake made out of flowers to the real thing?

a-DOG-able™ in a Basket

There’s no way we can come up with something funnier to say about this than 1-800 Flowers’ own description. It’s just that good. “Whether it’s puppy love or ‘putting on the dog,’ this adorable, dog-shaped floral creation will make them feel like the queen of the kennel.” We have a few questions: What exactly is “putting on the dog”? What does this bouquet look like when the flowers start to wilt — like the dog is slowly deflating? And most importantly of all, why would anyone want to feel like “the queen of the kennel”?