Who Will Bristol Palin Date Next?


Sigh. As if Levi Johnston, the dopey fame-hungry fellow with his own last name tattooed in sports-caps on his left arm, wasn’t bad enough, Bristol Palin is now dating some guy named Giacinto “Gino” Paoletti, who as Gawker reports, likes to call his friends ‘nigga’ and makes jokes about people with down syndrome. And her parents like him too! What more could a girl ask for? Well, maybe a few other things. There’s a long tradition of respectable girls dating total twerps, but if Bristol keeps this up, she may be headed for trouble. In order to dissuade her from her chosen path, we predict Bristol Palin’s future boyfriends if she keeps to this kind of pattern after the jump.

Pauly D.

Clearly she’s into the whole Guido thing – remember, her current boyfriend’s name is Giacinto “Gino” Paoletti. But we don’t think she’s dumb enough to date The Situation, so the next least/most respectable one is probably Pauly D.

Spencer Pratt

For some reason, Bristol goes for guys who are clearly suckers for media attention, and no one’s more of a sucker than Spencer Pratt. Plus, we all know he’s just looking for an excuse to break up with Heidi again – or at least to pretend to break up with her again. He even kind of looks like Levi.

Jon Gosselin

Ah, the lamest of the lame, a guy who makes a bunch of babies with a lady and then ditches her after they get famous. We know Gosselin would be into it at least – if for no other reason than that he must be dying to get back into the spotlight by now.

Charlie Sheen

Come on, we know he likes to collect younger women, and let’s not lie, it would be the perfect storm of crazy celebrity ickdom.

Bristol, do not let this be your future! We know you’re trying to get material for your memoir hand over 21-year-old fist, but wouldn’t it be better to settle down with a nice, mild-mannered, non fame hungry young man for a change? And stop doing reality TV shows, please.