The weather’s getting nice, so it’s time to get those bikes out. But first! Brooklyn hipsters and cool moms, to survive you must first learn the rules of the road. Edward Everett Horton, the narrator of the 1963 PSA “One Got Fat,” turns the rules of bicycle safety into a ape-filled fever dream, presiding over the deadly proceedings with sadistic, lip-licking glee. Under Horton’s tutelage, we follow a group of children in monkey masks as they bike to their picnic and watch as all but one get killed off along the way for such crimes as not signaling, not registering their bikes, and road rage. As one monkey child and his fat monkey friend who had been perched on his handlebars fall down a pothole to their deaths, Horton chuckles, “So long, fellas. There seems to be a flaw in the buddy system.” The only child that survives is Orville Slump, who carried everyone’s lunches and is destined to get fat off his deceased playmates’ sandwiches. Says Horton, “He’ll get fat all right.” Right? Right.
[via Thought Catalog]