Six Celebs Sadder about the Economy Than You Are

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It’s time for Screech (Dustin Diamond) to stop making pornos, and get in on the Saved By the Bell reunion train. No stranger to the financial problems, is now being sued by an energy company. You gotta read the fine lining on those contracts: apparently utilities weren’t included, Screech.

Remember when Michael Vick was one of the NFL’s highest paid players? (We don’t either.) Well, now the ex-Atlanta Falcon-er is behind bars for his dogfighting operation and claiming bankruptcy. Ew.

One good thing about celebrities + the recession: Brooke Hogan has opted out of recording “The Ballad of Rick Wagoner” her “economy” song, which, by the way, was like “Jennifer Hudson meets Johnny Cash.” Daddy Hulk would be so proud. Instead, she’ll stick with singing about, you know, her pricey penchant for bleach and orange skin pigmentation. Via her laughable Twitter.

Prepare to lose your mind: Kanye, we mean, “Martin Louis the King Jr.,” is here for the recession rescue. In an effort to perk up the public, Kanye’s doing “crazy, bold stuff so [the public] can live through me and get their mind off the recession.” We’d rather duet with Brooke on that poor people song than call you Martin Louis the King Jr.

THE Joan Collins being affected by the recession?! While we’re certain Joan Collins calls Target, “Tarjay” but it’s still not Gucci. Plus, why was she shopping for an Identity Theft Buster? Is there something The Insider isn’t telling us?!

The recession apparently also inspires celebs to be assholes. See: Jim Carrey in a press conference earlier this year for the crappy Yes Man: “I’m not in a recession. I’m doing incredibly well. I just wanna be honest. I really am kicking ass.” When you haven’t made a funny flick since the sequel to Ace Ventura, you shouldn’t brag. Karma’s a biatch, Cable Man!