Since Culture Monster already made the Clockwork Orange connection that occurred to us the moment we saw the headline “Classical music still effective at dispersing loitering teens,” we’ll give you the news straight: It looks like teenagers are as repulsed by old-people music as their elders are by hip hop and whatever Ke$ha is. You know how you’re always hearing Mozart at the mall and opera at the train station? That’s not because your local retail staff or transportation officials have incredibly cultivated tastes; it’s because they’re trying to deter teenage loiterers and vandals. There are two theories as to why classical music is so effective at getting those kids off the public lawn: Either they’re soothed by the gentle sounds or they freaking hate this crap so much it’s not even worth waiting around the food court to carve their initials into the table.