Open Letter to Nicki Minaj Re: Lil’ Kim


Dear Nicki,

We’ve had our differences in the past, but we like your style and have high hopes for you, so we’re going to pass on to you some advice our dear parents once bestowed upon us: If you ignore the bully, she’ll eventually just go away. While this might not hold true when you’re an uncool sixth-grader, we assure you that as a platinum-selling rapper feuding with a has-been, it will always work.

You see, we had assumed that, given the success you’ve experienced over the past few months, you’d put your beef with Lil’ Kim aside. She may have been the Queen Bee back in the day, but in 2011, the only thing that’s keeping her remotely relevant is the attention you’re paying her. First, she released a diss track in response to “Roman’s Revenge.” When that wasn’t keeping Kim in the headlines, she put out an entire diss album. And then, God help us all, she had her interns (right?) make an entire, incomprehensible documentary about how you stole her schtick.

But even though you are now just as famous as Kimberly Jones ever been, you won’t stop turning the spotlight on her. Just this weekend, you dropped another verse aimed at Kim. Dubbed “Tragedy,” it includes shots like, “It must hurt to sell your album off PayPal, ‘specially when you went and gained 15, 20” and “Last name: Ann, first name: raaaaaaaaggedy.” Truth be told, it’s a pretty funny minute of expert diss-age. What’s it getting you, though?

The hip-hop beef is practically as time-honored a tradition as hip hop itself. And we can see why, in the beginning, you felt the need to kill your idols. But by now, Nicki, this shit is only making you look petty — and selling freaking $9.99 mixtapes for a woman who hasn’t released a proper album since 2005. Ignore Kim, focus on upping your own game, and we promise you’ll be a million times better off for it.

Your fans,