How could this be anything but amazing? We imagine something along the lines of Fiddy’s Biddies, which, if you didn’t know, is an entire Tumblr devoted to chronicling the women 50 Cent flirts with on Twitter. 50 could bring on a series of fly ladies with serious environmental and social service projects and then let them talk while he just nodded, smiled, threw out some creative compliments, and thought about how great his life was. Eminem would be a frequent guest, despite the fact that those nights would always inexplicably go awry.
We don’t know about you, but we just can’t get enough of Herzog talking in pretty much any capacity, so we think we’d totally love it if he had in depth conversations with other film greats on a weekly basis. He could also talk about the universe as much as his heart desired in that deadpan Germanic drone we’ve all come to know and love. Plus, with all those opportunities to make bets, who knows what else he might eat?
If you’re not all Shteyngart-ed out already, this will do the trick. You might expect us to predict a Shteyngart talk show about literature, or perhaps Jewishness, but honestly? We think the nebbish writer would be at his best hosting a show about cheese. He could bring on other literary or non literary guests to give their two cents, or just hold tastings and shake his face at the audience. After all, one of his favorite stories to tell at readings is about how his grandmother fed him little bits of cheese as a reward for his writing, so we think by now he’s probably an expert. And even if he isn’t, stay tuned for Gary Shteyngart Talks About Cheese? Now that’s a recipe for good ratings.
Um, we’d watch for the facial expressions alone, but we imagine Nicki would bring on everyone from John Waters to Britney Spears and just make best friends (or frenemies) with them on the air. Except in certain circumstances, that is. Ahem, we’re counting the days until the Lil’ Kim episode. Drama!
Speaking of John Waters, we think he’d be another stellar talk show host. If his notorious personality wasn’t enough, read Role Models and then imagine Waters actually interviewing all those people (and more, of course) in the flesh. We would also be interested in a special episode consisting of a moustache trimming tutorial. Where the guest is Tom Selleck. Imagine!
Well, this is pretty much a no-brainer. We already know she’s hilarious, and we already know she’s pretty brilliant, so the only thing left is to watch her rake guests over the coals and/or catapult them to fame a la Jon Stewart. She could throw in some of that political stuff too, we guess.
At this point, Vince Vaughn could kind of go the Jimmy Fallon route, though probably without quite as much self-loathing. He has a great, distinctive voice and, we imagine, a little bit of a temper. Plus, with his major funds coming from his own talk show, he’d be able to sit back and get fat in peace. And that, friends, is what we want for Vince Vaughn.
We know, we know. We’re super hipsters. But come on, how cool would this be? The crown prince of indie rock could probably interview anyone from John Darnielle to Snooki and we’d be riveted. We would hope that he would ask cryptic, lyrical questions with no right or wrong answers, and ask his guests to respond in verse. Sounds like a tough sell, but since literally everyone loves the man, we think they’d be clamoring to cozy up next to him and answer some bizarre questions. But that’s all assuming anyone can find him…
Though some might claim M.I.A has as many questions to answer as she has to ask, we think her bizarre personality and recently-earned controversial status could totally make her into a great talk show host. We’d love to see straight-laced guests squirm over the ironic french fries and try to make themselves heard over the backbeat. Plus, how many spicy Sri Lankan talk show hostesses do you know? That’s what we thought.
We know what happens when Tom Cruise shows up on other people’s talk shows (disaster, anyone?) but we kind of what to find out what would happen with Maverick in the driver’s seat. If anything, it could be a hilarious show where Tom Cruise talks to random people about Scientology and gets upset when they find him completely bonkers. Come on, admit it. You’d watch that.