Did last night’s True Blood season premiere live up to the months of hype that preceded it? We still haven’t decided. The set-up seem a bit too fragmented to come together in a few compelling story lines. And yet, there was a satisfying glut of action to keep us entertained. Some was entirely predictable: trouble in vampire-human paradise for Hoyt and Jessica, Arlene’s adorable baby showing signs that he will turn out to be a bad seed, the continued rivalry between Eric and Bill. But mostly, the script was filled with one surprise after another. The top ten shockers (yes, that means “spoilers”) are after the jump.
10. Sam has made some friends of his own species. With his luck, this won’t end well.
9. Jason actually appears to be a pretty decent cop. Good for him! Andy Bellfleur, meanwhile, is a V-addicted mess — but anyone could have seen that coming.
8. Lafayette and Jesus refer to each other as “partners.” What, just because they’re gay they can’t be “boyfriends”? Lafayette would never call his man something so square.
7. Jason’s creepy Hotshot pals lock him in a malfunctioning freezer (with some rotting food). Who’d have thought you can’t trust methheads?
6. Tommy and Hoyt’s mom? For real?
5. Eric buys Sookie’s house, seems to “own” her as a result. Naturally, he uses this power to sneak into her bedroom while she’s changing.
4. Sookie and Jason’s Grandaddy isn’t dead or missing. He just disappeared to the fairy realm, where 20 years seemed like a few hours. Except that he had to push Sookie through the portal back to the human world, and now he really is kaput.
3. Jesus’s witch friends can raise the dead. Or, at least, with the mysteriously powerful Lafayette in the mix, they can reanimate a parrot for a few seconds. Does that mean they’ll eventually be able to transform vampires into real, live human beings again?
2. Sookie visits the fairy realm for what she thinks is a few minutes; she’s gone for over a year, and everything assumes Bill killed her. But it seems like they’re not too worried about it, because the mayor of Bon Temps also entrusts him with official ribbon-cutting duties, in his capacity as the town’s oldest resident.
1. Tara leaves Bon Temps for New Orleans, changes her name to “Toni,” becomes a wrestler, and is apparently enthusiastically lesbian now. Yeah, we support this.