Condom Ads That Make You Scared of Condoms

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Aren’t advertisements supposed to make you want to use a product? Because I recently came across a few ad campaigns for wearing condoms that make the pope’s personal crusade against latex actually seem somewhat appealing. Five of the most chilling visuals — along with our running commentary on where they’re going wrong — after the jump.

Scary Ad #1: Nothing Says Lovin’ Like Hitler Sperm

I think I get the point of this ad from Germany’s Doc Morris Pharmacies: use a condom and prevent the birth of a genocidal dictator. I can see why they might think the sentiment is right, but this is really the wrong way to convey it. I can’t say I’m keen on the idea of recalling concentration camps as I rip open a condom package. But while they’re at it, they should really think about what other notorious bloodthirsty leaders make people want to have safer sex, like Osama Bin Laden and Mao Tze-Tung? Oh wait… they already did that.

Scary Ad #2: Sexual Assault Leaves a Mark

Even more disturbing than cranking out the next Timothy McVeigh are these two ads that show two very confused women looking at the marks left on their bodies by an unknown groper. I have to say that I’m stumped. What is this ad trying to convey? That women should use condoms as a barrier to skin cancer? That women should be careful not to fall asleep on the beach lest they be molested with no physical evidence thanks to Hansaplast Long Pleasure Condoms? Someone really should have re-thought this in the board room.

Scary Ad #3: Sex with Insects is Never Okay

Unless you’re Isabella Rossellini, you’re probably not going to be turned on by this ad — which actually means that it’s doing its job effectively since it’s trying to prevent the spread of HIV. Most humans have an inborn aversion to insects, particularly ones that can do us harm, so this ad made me squirm in my seat the second the page finished loading. So sex without a condom is like getting cunnilingus from a spider. Creepy! Take it away!

And in case you need a little something to remove such unpleasant images from your psyche, feel free to indulge in this amusing condom ad from India featuring your new best (condom) friend, Nirodh: