When Reality Ruins Reality TV: The Hills


News that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were married for reals this time hit the Internet over the weekend, which is when I meant to write this little diatribe. Luckily (or not, depending on whether you think reality TV is the devil), I just stumbled across this money quote from Pratt about their honeymoon/swine flu scare that got me back on task:

“We’re definitely wearing the face masks everywhere we go,” Spencer told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show Tuesday. “We’re not playing. I’m not trying to get pig flu! We’re in isolation. We’re in, like, full hiding.”

I’d pay gobs of money to see that ridiculous image. Which brings me to my point: The only reason I’ve been tuning in to The Hills over the past few seasons is to watch the train wreck that is Heidi and Spencer’s relationship. I love the grotesque circus of it all. It’s like Taco Bell: I know it’s bad for me, but I want it anyway. I feel guilty afterward, but I always keep coming back for more.

And for a while in the most recent season, I’ve actually been manipulated to believe that they might be officially over. We mean, how do you go back to a guy after the skanky bartender he was hitting on tells you that if her boyfriend was acting that way around another girl, she’d be embarrassed in front of her friends.

Now that these two are married, it seems like the only bit of interesting will they/won’t they conflict has been sucked out of the show. (Must be why L.C. is getting the heck outta Dodge.) It’s not like we’re able to buy for a second that Lauren doesn’t have a death wish for Heidi; Justin Bobby gives two flips about Audrina; or Stephanie is smart enough to hold down a job.

At least we still have Kelly Cutrone.