For most of the decade, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been embarrassing Italy in the eyes of Americans (along with the rest of the world). Now, America has returned the favor by sending the Jersey Shore crew to Florence, to humiliate us in the eyes of the Italians. While they’re in Europe, we’ll be checking in with Snooki, The Situation, et al, regularly, in a series we’re calling “How Did the Jersey Shore Cast Embarrass Us in Italy This Week?” The third installment — in which Ronnie, Sammi, and The Situation annoy us even more than usual, and Deena steals Mike’s girl — is after the jump.
Using Europe to justify alcoholism. “Wine in Italy for me is like, legit, like a cup of coffee for other people,” says Snooki, who has pretty much always had a drinking problem that totally is not Italy’s fault.
Willful ignorance of the Italian language. “Wait, is ‘Firenze’ Florence?” Snooki asks at a club, three episodes into the season.
Frightening the natives. Deena brings home a pretty normal-seeming local waiter, but just as they’re about to get into her bed to “cuddle” (right), Vinny and Pauly D burst in to make fun of them. Although the Italian guy tells her he wants to leave, she somehow convinces him to stay the night. He doesn’t, however, show up later in the episode.
Coining obnoxious English neologisms. The word of the week was indisputably “twinning,” a portmanteau created to describe The Situation’s courtship of — and anticipated threesome with — twin girls. As Pauly explains, “You’re winning, but you’re twinning, because you got two twin chicks.”
Painting a horrifying picture of American nightlife. The cast seems pretty psyched that they’ve managed to commandeer the dance floor of an Italian club. They use it… to do the worm. For real.
Faux lesbianism. “It not the worst thing in the world, bringing home a girl,” says Deena as she introduces the time-honored, attention-getting strategy of straight ladies kissing in a club to Italy. Is she bi-curious, or is she simply making a play for more screen time? Either way, it is admittedly wonderful to see her take a woman away from Mike.
Ronnie and Sammi. Seriously? You’re back together again? We were all set for a season of Single Ron and Single Sam, two ridiculous characters who are nonetheless far less grating apart than they are as a couple. Of course, their relationship will make for more drama. (“This is boring! I need something,” Snooki tells Ron in an attempt to convince him to get back together with Sam.) Thankfully, one entertaining moment does come out of the reconciliation: Vinny and Pauly — the two housemates we currently hate least — notice that the pair has taken to wearing dark colors and less revealing clothing now that they’re reunited and spontaneously begin singing about “Conservative Ronnie” and “Conservative Sammi.”
The Situation. Yes, for the third week in a row, Mike is the single most embarrassing aspect of the cast’s Italian vacation. First, there’s his awful, obviously manufactured, thing for Snooki: He gets drunk and sloppily tries to kiss her. She comes back with, “I don’t know what you’re trying to do right now, but I’m not in it at all.” Later she tells us, “He’s just trying to start drama.” (Guy, if even Snooki has figured out your game, it’s time to give it up.)
Then — then! — he seems to forget that his heart belongs to Nicole and spends half the episode trying to orchestrate a threesome with the twins (when he isn’t complaining that they’re “stalking” him). You can tell he’s serious about this pursuit, as Vinny points out, because “Mike never takes girls out on dates, especially in the daytime.” So classy!
The evening ends with all the drama The Situation could have hoped for. After Deena (and then Vinny) claims Twin #2, Ron spills Mike’s story about Snooki cheating on Jionni with him to Sam and JWoww. Of course, Jenny goes straight to Snooki, who denies everything, flips out at Mike, and screams “I’m done!” for what feels like hours.
Snooki’s official line: “I have never hooked up with him.”
Mike’s official line: “Everybody knows The Situation is not a liar.”
We’re backing: Team Snooki. How about you?