When SEX AND THE CITY was in its third season (the one that starts with the episode where they’re on the Staten Island ferry, and Charlotte is sad because she wants to be married), we used to take a weekly train ride out to last stop in Queens where we had some friends with HBO.
A few years later when the final episode aired we rewound our VHS tape (yes, we’d finally gotten HBO but not DVR by that point) and watched the whole thing over again — twice — weeping like someone we knew had died.
This is the long way of saying when the first whispers of SEX AND THE CITY: THE MOVIE came out we were more excited than Samantha Jones in a prison cell full of hot virgins. And then we saw the movie. We know a lot of people must have liked it — just look at the 55 million dollar opening weekend — but it turned us off of the only series we’ve ever owned in its entirety.
Now we can’t even stomach the late night reruns on cable.
So you can imagine our chagrin over KIM CATTRALL’s recent confirmation of a sequel. As she was the sticking point last go around, this seems like a sign that things will move full speed ahead with this movie.
What can they do to get jaded fans like us back in our tutus? Some target plot suggestions after the jump.
1. Samantha must die. As little fun as it was watching an aged Kim Cattrall have sex, having to grin through several scenes where her tiny dog humped things pushed us over the edge.
2. Big must die. Yes, he wrote her a boatload of love letters, but we still haven’t forgiven the movie version of Mr. Big for ditching out on the wedding. Plus Carrie and Big aren’t as fun to watch when nothing is standing in the way of their happiness.
3. Steve must die. We know that Miranda eventually forgave Steve for cheating on her during that mushy scene on the Brooklyn Bridge. But we didn’t. And we still hadn’t fully forgiven him for dumping Miranda that time she tried to replace his gold corduroy suit.
4. Stanford must die. Since he had about 1.3 lines in the last film, giving Stanford some sort of over-the-top terminal illness could guarantee he gets more face time in the sequel. Plus, we’d love the chance to for a cameo from his old model crush/client, the Bone.
5. Louise must die. Ok, she doesn’t have to die, but no bringing her back from St. Louis, no referencing her annoying love charm and no introducing another new assistant to the mix — it just feels fake.
What do you think? Any obvious targets that we’ve missed?