The Third Rail: A Cinco de Mayo Mix


Forget St. Patrick’s Day. Cinco de Mayo is the alcohol industry’s equivalent of a Hallmark holiday. Corona would like to think that May 5th is an important national holiday, but they’d also like you to think that you need a Lite version of their beer. And yet even if Cinco de Mayo is a manufactured anniversary akin to St. Valentine’s day, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use you it to douse your worries about swine flu in Mexico’s national drink: tequila. But since you won’t have the traditional mariachi band to back you up — unless you’re drinking on the subway — after a jump, a selection of songs to use as chasers.

1. “Tequila” – The Ventures (well this version, at least)

This song is the musical equivalent of a shot (2 oz tequila, lime and salt optional), perfect for when you’re too blotto to remember the words/slurs to “Louie, Louie.” Just don’t have so many that you let Skunk Baxter into your band.

2. “Cabo Wabo” – Van Halen

Sammy Hagar deserves credit for being one of the rare musicians to launch a successful liquor company (sorry Marilyn Manson). His “Cabo Wabo” almost makes up for “Right Now”. Of course, he could never match David Lee Roth []. But let’s call it even and honor both of these lion-maned troubadours with a Hair Dryer (12 oz Vanilla Coke, 2 oz hazelnut liquor), suggested by The Daily Cocktail.

3. “I Love U” – Tila Tequila

Wait, what? That is what she sounds like? This needs more Skunk Baxter.

4. “Still Here” – Girl Talk (check out 2:43)

Yes, yes, I realize I’m actually referring to “Drink N’ My 2 Step” by Cassidy. But forgive me if I go with the better, Ace-of-Base combined mash-up when I want to hear about the virtues of Patron (i.e. you can drink it on the rocks). Just listen to this song and try and imagine the look on the faces of the Patron Spirits Company shareholders when they first heard this song. You can’t buy this type of promotion, just ask Hennessy.

5. “Margaritaville” – Parrotburger

Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to put any actual Jimmy Buffett on this mix. What am I, an animal? But Buffett’s unavoidable ownership of margaritas (the classic: 1 ½ oz tequila, ½ oz triplpe sec, 1 oz lime juice, salted rim, shaken or on the rocks) in songs poses a challenge. Sure, his lyrics are pro-party, but his music is all hangover. So instead here’s a hardcore cover of “Margaritaville” by yours truly.