Today at Flavorpill, we met nine presidential candidates who weren’t great students — a list, that it’s worth noting, was inspired by Rick Perry. We couldn’t believe how much this guy sounds like Freddie Mercury. We paid tribute to some of our favorite dearly-departed Disneyland rides. We thought this font looked incredibly average. We enjoyed The Awl’s brief guide to new New York rap. We were surprised by how peaceful we felt while watching this dude carve a watermelon. We wished that we had a “sentence name” (like Bill Clinton or Pat Benatar). We crossed our fingers that Katie Holmes isn’t How I Met Your Mother‘s mother, but were totally fine with her being the Slutty Pumpkin. We found out just how much bubble wrap would be required to break our fall from six floors up. And finally, we made a mental note never to make any of the following incredibly rude hand gestures — that is unless we’re actually trying to piss someone off.