We’ve all wondered how Shakespeare’s works would translate into modern English. Now, the Internet’s official humor site has published a list of some of the Bard’s greatest quips, updated for the 21st century. For instance, when the Duke of Gloucester says in Henry VI, Part I: “I’ll note you in my book of memory,” what he’s really saying is: “Don’t expect me to call the day after.” Likewise, when Dick the butcher declares in Henry VI, Part II: “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,” what he means is: “Let’s kill all the lawyers. Really.” [via Huffington Post]