1. The one where Larry King calls tiny Jon Stewart a jockey. [via Gawker]
2. This Gossip Girl spin-off idea just. won’t. die. [via E! Online]
3. Sir Paul McCartney pulls a Dick Cheney. [via The Sun]
4. A deranged man in the UK reenacted the “Here’s Johnny!” scene from The Shining and scared the crap outta some paramedics. [via Times]
5. Jay-Z ditches Def Jam after buying out his contract for a reported $5 million. [via MTV]