Bazooka Joe: The Movie, and 5 Other Mascots Who Deserve a Feature Film


Ready for the worst idea for a movie that we’ve heard since we got the word that there would be a Sex and the City sequel? The Hollywood Reporter sez that thanks to Michael Eisner and a plucky firsttime screenwriter who just graduated this week, Bazooka Joe is heading to the big screen. Yes, that Bazooka Joe. The one with one eye. And the one whose dumb, thumb-sized comics you’d glance at and chuck out every 15 minutes or so as you popped a fresh wad of bubblegum in your mouth because it didn’t retain flavor for more than a few fleeting chews. It had that weird, powdery taste. And wasn’t there a lame, “funny” fortune involved too?

But because it’s almost the holiday weekend, and just thinking about all of the sunshiney Vitamin D we’re going to get over the next few days makes us feel a little less negative, we’ll bite. Below, a handful of other commercial characters from our childhoods who deserve the feature film treatment. Add to our list of cartoon shills in the comments.

1. Count Chocula – Because vampires are so hot right now. Plus Dwight from The Office loves him.

2. Mr. Owl – But only if bad things happen to him. God his voice was annoying.

3. The Noid! – This really needs no explanation.

4. Jovny, the Vlasic Pickles Stork – We just love pickles. And he sounds like Groucho Marx.

5. The Kool-Aid Man – Please see below.