The Insanely Great History of Apple print, $25 from Popchart Lab
Because we all know that he’ll end up writing Sony’s Steve Jobs biopic.
First edition copy of The Old Man and the Sea, $345 from Cavalier
Sadly, Baldwin’s 30 Rock character Jack Donaghy will never be the world’s greatest oceanographer or a “Student Argonaut,” but he can own a first-edition copy of the Hemingway classic.
Know It All Pencil Set, $10 from Reform School
There’s no way this Jeopardy! host knows as much as he seems to on the show. Maybe he’s getting some help from a set of smartypants pencils?
Love One Another tray by John Derian, $165 from Ampersand
May Poehler’s Leslie Knope never lose her eternal optimism.
Bookman’s LED Bicycle Light, $29 from A+R Store
If the Silver Fox won’t wear a helmet while biking around New York City, the least he can do is use one of these colorful bike lights.
Dreamcats 2012 Calendar, $30 from Fieldguided
An adorable calendar for counting down the days until her Catwoman debut.
Jetlag Travel Alarm Clock, $40 from Ghostly
This stylish clock is bound to come in handy while Bourdain is traveling around the world shooting his new show The Layover.
Honest Boy Pencil Sharpener, $10 from Boing Boing Shop
If there’s anything worse than sending crotch shots to strangers over Twitter, it’s lying about it.
Neutral Milk Hotel Box Set, $88
As the woman who plays Parks and Rec’s resident Jeff Mangum fan, we imagine that Plaza would enjoy this vinyl-only box of Neutral Milk Hotel’s entire output. An added bonus: one dollar from every purchase will be donated to Children of the Blue Sky, a charity which aids Mongolian youth.
IGWT Card Case Brass, $60 from In God We Trust
This hand engraved brass card case is the epitome of treating yo self.
Aerobie AeroPress Coffee & Espresso Maker, $26 from Amazon
For all of those long nights ahead on the re-election campaign trail.
Mac & Cheese, $28 from Dean & Deluca
Our favorite pregnant pop star has denied rumors that she craves hot sauce, pickles, and bananas, but we’re betting she wouldn’t say no to a bowl of Beecher’s award-winning mac ‘n’ cheese.
Bleecker+MacDougal 56 Candle, $68 from Oak
We’re pretty sure it was the poetry and romance of ’50s Beat New York that brought Dylan to the Village the next decade. And as far as we’re concerned, nothing bad can come of reminding him about those early glory days.
The Zoo Gift Box, $25 from Tattly
An animal-themed collection of temporary tattoos is definitely less of a commitment than buying a whole zoo.
The Hungover Cookbook, $10 from Urban Outfitters
Theron is probably still smarting from playing an unlikeable boozehound in Young Adult. Perhaps a peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwich would help?
Manhattan Cocktail Ring, $78 from Kate Spade
A beautiful red bauble for TV’s most beautiful redhead.
Coke Slab by Sebastian Errazuriz, $2,100 from Grey Area
Is there a gift more appropriate for the woman who recently referred to herself as “a junkie Auntie Mame”?
Snood Dogg Kit in Beige, $95 from Need Supply
Where “hipster” and “hip-hop” overlap on the Venn diagram, you’ll find both Das Racist and expensive, Snoop Dogg-referencing knit-it-yourself snood kits by a company called Wool and the Gang.
Letterpress poster, $95
It might be a quote from an iconic Apple campaign, but we’re sure that Lynch would agree with the sentiment. He’d probably also enjoy the fact that 100% of the profits from this limited-edition poster go to the Acumen Fund, an organization that fights poverty worldwide.
Pet Salt & Pepper Shakers, $42 from Leif
Based on what we know about this writer’s rather warped sense of humor, she’d find these shakers hilarious.
Gold Standard Notebook, $10 from Fred Flare
An affordable gift for the faux presidential candidate who both requires all of his possessions to be made of gold and thinks his own ideas are worth their weight in it.
Rorschach Coasters, $18 from New Museum Store
A fitting gift for the TV shrink who is slowly losing his mind on American Horror Story.
“Supermini” Foldable Ukulele Kit, $75 from Poketo
We’re still scratching our heads over Vedder’s recent solo album, Ukulele Songs, but we’ll try to be supportive.
Solid Walnut Rocket, $180 from Pat Kim
John’s Rocketman biopic should start shooting any day now. Consider this a subtle hint that we hope it focuses on the earlier, more heavily bedazzled years in his career.
Fred Armisen & Carrie Brownstein
Me & You Pencils, $12 from Etsy
In our humble opinion, this Portlandia pair, both fabulous in their own right, are even better when they’re together.
Weapons of Mass Creation: Cooking limited-edition screenprint, $20 from Angryblue Store
We believe that deep down, all of the British chef’s expletive-laden explosions are coming from a really good place.
Gabbi’s Habanero Sauce, $10 from Dean & Deluca
For future reference, this is a food product — not that it would feel any better if it got in your eyes.
On No Not You Again Doormat, $30 from Uncommon Goods
The perfect front porch accessory for our favorite reclusive author.
Atlas of True Names, $9 from Cog & Pearl
Even if he’s no longer in the running as a Republican candidate, Cain should learn that Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan is not a real place.
99¢ Product Polaroids, $1 from Partners & Spade
As someone previously involved with a Kickstarter project known as “The Museum of Non-Visible Art,” we think Franco would love the delicious irony of this non-gift.
Glam Rock Travel Card Holder, $5 from Colette
A funny, Ziggy Stardust inspired-gift for a funny, Ziggy Stardust-loving fan.
Muppet Whatnot, $100 from FAO Schwarz
The man who made it his personal mission to revive the Muppet franchise for a brand-new generation of fans certainly deserves one of his own.
Pantone Universe Twin Markers, $39 for a set of 12 from BLICK
Reality TV’s most neurotic interior designer would love this set of markers — as long as they stay neatly organized.
Firestarter Kit, $16 from Magpie & Rye
Deitch hasn’t made many friends since relocating to the West Coast; in fact, his first big show as the director of MoCA ignited some of the biggest art world controversy of the year.
Chocolate Invader, $20
As a devotee of all things retro, we know that Fallon would get a kick out of this chocolate ode to everyone’s favorite 8-bit video game.
Woodland Slipper, $24 from Urban Outfitters
Slipping into these will help Parsons prepare for his upcoming starring role in the Broadway revival of Harvey.
Angry Birds Fruit Gummies, $4 from Dylan’s Candy Bar
While we doubt that Don Draper would be impressed by the whole Angry Birds phenomenon, Hamm is a self-admitted addict.
Modern Woman giclee print, $199 from Niagara Detroit
We can see this trashy-fabulous print looking great on his wall, right next to all the other bizarre art he describes in Role Models. The caption, meanwhile, might as well come straight out of a Waters script.
Luddite Collection Laptop Case, $68 from Anthropologie
We often wonder if the Daily Show host is as tech-phobic as he seems.
Boroughs of New York City Pillows – Brooklyn, $50 from Site NYC
Ames’ series Bored to Death has given viewers an intimate look at some of our favorite spots in Brooklyn — from the Coney Island Wonder Wheel to Bergen Street Comics.
Log Cabin Building Set, £20 from Present London
If only this 92-piece set came with a miniature Bon Iver album.
Final Home Chocolate Tee, $105 from Opening Ceremony
It’s not a life-size chocolate statue of his muse, Baptiste Giabiconi, but it will do.
Mary Green Hot Tonight/Not Tonight Sleep Mask, $25 from Azaleas
Not that we believe the recent rumors that Perry and hubby Russell Brand are headed for a split, we’re just thinking that maybe the newlywed glow has worn off.
Artenica Icarus Light, $100 from Oeuf
For the rapper who’s always threatening to fly too close to the sun, a gentle reminder not to stray too far from Earth.
Men’s Lone Wolf Pop-Top Gloves by Father Panik, $36 from Catbird
Or as you better know him, Jon Snow, the bastard black sheep of the House of Stark. These could come in handy during those chilly nights on the Wall.
Cake Pops DIY Kit, $21 from Fred Flare
Our biggest gripe with Bridesmaids was that we never got to see Wiig’s character Annie reopen her bakery. This kit could help keep her skills sharp while she works up the courage.
Linda Farrow Vintage sunglasses, $440 from Opening Ceremony
These wacky shades remind us so much of Kreayshawn that we’re actually worried that the “Gucci Gucci” singer might already own a pair.
Marilou Gold Fringe Veil by Maison Michel, $675 from Opening Ceremony
The perfect avant garde headband option for hiding from the paparazzi.
Lana Del Rey
Red Heart Shaped Vanity Mirror, $16 from Plasticland
Because that plumped-up pout just begs for a lipstick-kissed, heart-shaped frame. Think of it as attractive packaging for her most marketable asset.
Lars von Trier
Survival Kit in a Sardine Can, $11 from Restoration Hardware
You know, in case that whole crazy Melancholia scenario actually comes true.
Butterfly Lovers Earbuds, $198 from Anthropologie
For the woman who recently birthed a set of twins to the sounds of one of her own live performances — a pretty little hint.
Vinni Wine Bag, $30 from Flight 001
A protective case for the loot he scores during those trips home to the motherland.
Lump of Kohl, $15 from Beekman
There’s something vaguely naughty about this skin detox treatment — and we can vouch that it doesn’t smell a thing like hydrangeas.
Bonlook Massamousso Tortoise Opera Glasses, $99 from Bonlook
We chortle to think what the Dowager Countess of Grantham would make of the fact that the proceeds from these fantastic glasses go to an organization which aids victims of female genital mutilation.
Assorted Hat Card Set, $14 from Rifle Paper Co.
As Doctor Who fans can attest, Time Lords love hats.
F Bomb Paperweight, $45 from Uncommon Goods
A playful reminder of Leo’s recent Academy Award win, and what followed in her acceptance speech: the first f-bomb in Oscars history.
Tiara Ski Hat, $85 from Kate Spade
Speaking of award shows, McCarthy’s beauty pageant-inspired Emmy win was one of our favorite pop culture moments of the year. With this cozy hat, she gets to keep the tiara on for a little while longer.
New York City Museum of Complaint by Matthew Bakkom, $44 from Amazon
This collection of 132 letters of complaint written to the Mayor of New York between 1751 and 1969 might actually be a misery loves company-style pick-me-up.
Sport Soap Set, $19 from Izola
What’s that? You’d forgotten all about the guy who has won more gold medals than any other athlete in history? By the end of the London 2012 games, we’re sure that you’ll be just as sick of hearing about Phelps as you were back in 2008.
The Last Testament: A Memoir by God and David Javerbaum, $17 from Amazon
A woman who claims to have so much insight into God’s plan might want to crack open his latest book. We have a feeling she’ll be surprised at his thoughts on Adam and Steve.
Medical Marijuana Box, $17 from Santa Monica Museum of Art Store
We’re not convinced that Bob Marley birthday cake was a joke, Miley.
The Complete Monty Python’s Flying Circus, $80 from Amazon
In her recent book of humor essays, Kaling reveals that as a teenager, she was way more into recreating the “Ministry of Silly Walks” sketch than gossiping about boys.
Cat DJ Scratching Deck, $40 from Fred Flare
An appropriately quirky gift for the quirkiest cat lady we know.
Velvet Platform Sandals, $116 from Top Shop
A glam pair of pink and purple platforms in luxurious velvet? As a fan of all things over-the-top, Miss Piggy would definitely say oui.
Split Decision Pie Pan, $18 from The Spoon Sisters
We’re sure the whole can’t make up his mind thing extends into desserts as well.
V is for Vegan print by Mark McGinnis, $160 from The Future Perfect
Is there any other gift for the musician who reportedly had his fans searched for meat products on their way into recent gigs?
DIY Box Truck Mini MQ Version, $12 from TYO Toys
If you’re going to play at a being a graffiti artist, you might as well have some fun toys.
Meaty Pillowcase Set, $75 from Dawn Tan
These pillowcases should go quite nicely with Ron Swanson’s photo album of steaks.
Dzine’s Pinky Nails Edition, $250 from the New Museum Store
A limited-edition set of 24kt gold-plated pinky nails is just the thing for the woman who recently rocked a hot pink chicken wing necklace.
Occupy Movement Protestors
Slice of Pizza Sleeping Bag with Veggie Pillows, $299 from Etsy
A clever way to sneak a sleeping bag into wherever your Occupy campsite may be: disguise it as your primary food source.
Scrabble Letter Mugs, $12 from The Spoon Sisters
We’ve seen footage of Oprah nearly falling off of a treadmill while playing Scrabble on her iPad. This mug is obviously destined to be one of her favorite things.
Eiffel Tower Tea For One set, $54 from The Spoon Sisters
It might not have made for as an interesting of a movie, but perhaps Wilson’s Midnight in Paris character would have been better off sipping a cup of tea on his own instead of getting sauced with icons from the ’20s.
Edward Sheriff Curtis monograph, $40 from Magpie & Rye
A book of Curtis’ beautiful portraits of North American Indian tribes — which were meant to anthropologically document “a vanishing race” — is just the kind of thing we’d expect to spy on Smith’s coffee table.
Blacktop 360 Grill-Fryer, $249 from Amazon
Our arteries are clogging just imagining all of the damage that Paula could do with this bad boy.
Tintin: The Complete Companion by Michael Farr, $23 from Amazon
If he’s going to be the one helming the next Tintin movie, we think it’s important that Jackson bone up as much as possible ahead of time.
Everyday Black Diamond Studs by Blanca Monros Gomez, $195 from Of a Kind
Tough enough for Lisbeth Salander to wear; pretty enough for us to believe that Mara would want them in real life.
Squirrel Stacking Game, $69 from A&G Merch
Long live Roseanne’s Nuts.
Solar Queen, $20 from Kikkerland Design
We imagine Brand getting a kick out of this odd, miniature version of the Queen that waves when exposed to light.
“Big Jug” of Pure Organic Maple Syrup, $68 from Best Made Company
To go with all of those intimate pancake breakfasts that most of us have imagined sharing with him.
Air Quote Mittens, $65 from Kate Spade
Even if her patriotic bus tour didn’t result in a presidential run, we’re pretty sure that we haven’t seen the last of Palin — or her frequent use of inappropriate air quotes — yet.
Howling Wolf Ring, $180 from Digby & Iona
OK, so this isn’t a direwolf ring, but it does remind us of the most beloved Bean character to die onscreen yet — Ned Stark.
Pickle Mints, $3 from Neatoshop
Sometimes a reality star needs to hide the fact that she’s spent the entire day drinking. These should do the trick.
Make Your Own Inspector Stamps, $23 Cranky Printery & Bindery
Is there anything this conservative pundit enjoys more than putting his stamp of approval on things? Now the “Colbert Bump” can have a visual component, too.
Cinderblock Cufflinks by Max Steiner, $76 from Catbird
Like most Boardwalk Empire fans, we hope that these are the only cinderblocks in Nucky Thompson’s future.
Horse Bookend, $39 from West Elm
A handsome reminder of one of the two major films he has coming out this month.
Artist’s Attache Case, $398 from Anthropologie
It’s rumored that Soderbergh would like to explore a career in art when he retires from filmmaking. This smart, vintage-inspired travel carrier should help him get started.
Woven Hardwood Bicycle Basket, $38 from Canoe
To be honest, we’re not even sure that America’s country music sweetheart has a bike. If she does, we think it needs an adorable little basket just like this one, preferably filled with something wholesome, like apples.
The Napsack, $130 from PolerStuff
Now that she’s running Rookie, it’s about time that Tavi dropped the whole precocious fashionista act and started dressing like a real blogger.
Call My Direct Line Phone, $55 from Modcloth
Danson’s Bored to Death character, George, forbids cellphones in his clubby restaurant but allows customers to take calls on an old-school phone at the bar. But doesn’t the place’s proprietor deserve a stylish line of his own?
Hold Fast MoneyMaker Dual Camera Straps, $175 from HoldFast
As one of the world’s busiest and most prolific photographers, we’re guessing Richardson could benefit from a stylish way to carry multiple cameras — and suspenders certainly suit his dirty-grandpa aesthetic.
Snowman Kit, $14 from Restoration Hardware
We picture Burton writing an entire goth stop-motion animation based around what happens when the snowman created by one of these kits turns out to be real… and maniacal.
The Little Dictionary Of Fashion by Christian Dior, $14 from Amazon
Not that we think that Gunn needs to be schooled on fashion (in fact, previous Project Runway contestants have griped that they need a dictionary just to understand him); we just think it would look pretty sitting on his bookshelf.
Midnight Munchie, $25 from Murray’s
When your onscreen alter ego sings about “Working on the Night Cheese,” you become that much easier to shop for this time of year.
Tyler, the Creator
Old Time Sling Shot, $25 from General Store
If you’re going to get your jollies by acting like a bully, then you might as well carry an appropriate accessory.
Psyche-delicacy Box, $12 at Modcloth
It’s all there in the product name, really. Our favorite psychedelic rock star could choose to put anything in this trippy vessel, but we’re pretty sure we know what he’d store in there.
Crosley Spinerette Turntable, $210 from In God We Trust
This beautiful little suitcase turntable looks like something that we’d spot in the background of one of Anderson’s films, and promptly obsess over.
Tailgater Dual Tank Backpack Drink Dispenser, $40 from Thrillist
For the manchild who refuses to grow up — or run out of beer. Ever.
Urban Gridded Notebook, €15 from Walking Chair Design Studio
An auteur whose greatest inspiration is cities and the neurotic folks who populate them deserves an appropriately urban-themed notebook to jot down his many great ideas.
4-Tier Skull Necklace by Zola Jesus, $405 from Opening Ceremony
A beautiful, dark necklace for the woman behind one of the most beautifully dark albums of the year.
Hudson Weekender, $425 from KHEPRI
Zooey’s New Girl alter ego Jess could have used a stylish bag like this one when she went to collect her belongings from her jerky ex-boyfriend’s apartment. It wouldn’t made things any less awkward, but perhaps she could have avoided having to go back twice.