1. A Brinks armored truck accidentally dropped $335,000 on the street in Syracuse, New York [via CNN] Why this ISN’T funny: $60,000 of Brinks’ money is still missing, most likely being squandered on wine, women, and/or art supplies. Why this IS funny: CNN reported yesterday that the men who returned the other $275,000 were rewarded by Brinks Co. with a T-shirt and a gold coin commemorating the company’s 150th anniversary.
2. A British woman accused of attempting to smuggle heroin onto a flight to Thailand from Laos was sentenced to life in prison [via CNN] Why this ISN’T funny: The woman is pregnant. Why this IS funny: The woman is pregnant.
3. A Chrysler dealership has less than a week to sell all its cars [via CNN] Why this ISN’T funny: Eek, GM fail, sigh. Why this IS funny: Imagine a car salesman on a regular day. Now imagine that same car salesman on crack.
4. The US accidentally releases list of nuclear sites [via NYT] Why this ISN’T funny: This is like winning the terrorist lottery. Why this IS funny: Wait, holy shit, this is definitely not funny.
5. Fed Reserve chairman Bernanke calls for plan to curb budget deficits [via NYT] Why this ISN’T funny: We’re screwed! Why this IS funny: Ohhh, you think we need a plan?! Did you hear that guys, that’s what we’ve been forgetting all this time! A plan! Well, problem solved.