It’s the holiday season, folks! Time to deck the hallways with diapers and fill a pot with shaving cream. Oh, you don’t celebrate Yak Shaving Day? What about Merlinpeen, the Verdukian Holiday of Mouth Pleasures? Or the Fraggle Festival of the Bells? For some awesome reason or another, television is full of weird fictional holidays. Robanukah, a day of drinking and doing the robot? Sounds good to us! This year, we’ve decided to spice up our age-old holiday lineup with some fictional festivities. Because, well — who wouldn’t want to observe a day about giving yourself presents? Dust off the ol’ Festivus pole, order a meat-lovers pizza, and Treat Yo Self to some fake TV holidays after the jump.
Festivus, Seinfeld
December 23rd — the day of all days. Every year since a 1997 episode of Seinfeld (or, if you’re part of writer Daniel O’Keefe’s family, since 1966), families worldwide have erected their aluminum Festivus poles, gathered ’round their Festivus feasts, and shared all the reasons why they are disappointed in one another. This customary “Airing of Grievances” is followed by the “Feats of Strength” — Festivus can only end once the head of the household has been wrestled and pinned to the floor. Be sure to channel your inner Kramer and yell, “It’s a Festivus miracle!” whenever an easily explainable event occurs. It’s a Festivus for the rest of us!
Treat Yo Self Day, Parks and Recreation
Here we find Treat Yo Self Day, as invented by Parks and Recreation‘s Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle. Your own annual Treat Yo Self Day can fall on any day that you so desire. That’s the glory of Treat Yo Self Day — it’s a day to treat yourself to exactly what you need. Clothes? Fragrances? Massages? Mimosas? Fine leather goods? Treat yo self. It’s the best day of the year! That is, unless you find yourself stuck with a depressed Adam Scott in a Batman costume.
Whacking Day, The Simpsons
In the fourth season of The Simpsons, we’re introduced to Whacking Day, an annual Springfield holiday falling on May 10th. Basically, citizens drag snakes into the town square and beat them to death. Whacking Day even has a song to the tune of “O Tannenbaum” (or “O Christmas Tree,” whichever floats your holiday boat). We don’t advocate actually trying to celebrate this one, kids.
Festival of the Bells, Fraggle Rock
Since the world is all about The Muppets these days, let’s spice things up with a holiday from Jim Henson’s good ol’ Fraggle Rock, shall we? According to Fraggle legend, the Fraggles’ beloved Rock slows down with the Winter Solstice. The Great Bell at the heart of the Rock must be rung so that the Rock can continue moving for another year. By exchanging gifts and ringing tiny bells at their annual festival, Fraggles can wake the Great Bell, thus saving the Rock. And don’t forget the dance of the Weebabeast! So, on December 22nd (or June 21st, depending on your hemisphere), think of the Fraggles.
Merlinpeen, 30 Rock
Trying to get out of a friend’s rule-filled Secret Santa? Why not claim that you’re a Verdukian who celebrates Merlinpeen, the Holiday of Mouth Pleasures? This fake annual 30 Rock holiday has some unique traditions — particularly, meat-lovers pizza and gentle flossing performed by a blonde virgin. Good Merlinpeen to you!