5 Headlines from the Last 24 Hours That Shouldn’t Be Funny But Are

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1. Sir Alan Sugar (the Trump of the British Apprentice) has been appointed an Enterprise Tsar by prime minster Gordon Brown [via Guardian] Why this IS funny: If this is the beginning of reality show stars joining the political powers, bring on Speidi as Obama’s press management, and Janis Dickinson as cultural adviser. Why this ISN’T funny: Sir Alan does have over 40 years of successful business experience, and if there’s any silver lining to the economic crisis, with his expertise and foresight, maybe it’ll be him who finally gets rid of the PM by shouting “you’re fired!”

2. Palin accuses the government of trying to control people [via RealClearPolitics] Why this IS funny: Palin joins the long line of right-wing politicos revealed as conspiracy theorists…maybe she’ll even reinstate HUAAC? Why this ISN’T funny: Palin has an inexplicably large fanbase, and we don’t like the idea that she’s brainwashing people that the government is brainwashing them…it makes our brains hurt.

3. Cell phone elbow is discovered as a health condition [via CNN] Why this IS funny: CNN’s advice for solving the problem? Switch hands when you’re talking. Why this ISN’T funny: Along with RSI and women permanently damaging their feet and backs because of high heels, this is just another of the health problems that we are inflicting upon ourselves… technology is ruining our bodies; better text your friend to warn them right now.

4. A frenzied fan finds long-lost Agatha Christie short stories at her house in Devon [via Guardian] Why this IS funny: Poirot seemed dated the first time. Plus, the fan had to teach himself to read Christie’s “bloody awful” handwriting…that’s a lot of effort for some mediocre literature. Also, isn’t the whole thing a bit like a Christie plot line? We can call it The Overzealous Man and the Missing Notebooks. Why this ISN’T funny: Hardcore Christie fans will be thrilled, and the newly-discovered works are due to be included in Agatha Christie’s Secret Notebooks: Fifty Years of Mysteries in the Making, to be published by HarperCollins in September.

5. New York City is due a hurricane that will result in a serious storm surge [via HuffingtonPost] Why this IS funny: The proposed solution is a flimsy set of barriers to protect the city. Get thee to the Hamptons. Why this ISN’T funny: The proposed solution is a flimsy set of barriers to protect the city. Even the Hamptons can’t save us now.