Your Dad: Just send him to the Mission: Impossible movie. It’s fast and fun and he’ll like it — unless he’s got vertigo. In that case, send him to J. Edgar. Dads like all that history stuff.
Your Mom: If there was ever a more mom-geared movie than We Bought a Zoo, we don’t know what it is.
Your Grandma: It’s corny and manipulative to a point of near-insufferability, but War Horse is going to make grandma cry, just you watch.
Your Grandpa: Send him to My Week with Marilyn. Trust us, he likes to think about Marilyn Monroe.
Your Brother: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. Then ask why you guys don’t have adventures like Holmes and Watson do.
Your Terrible Sister-in-Law: Send her to Young Adult, and then sneak in and watch her squirm from a distance.
Your Nihilist Goth Niece: Ha, you thought we were gonna say The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, didn’t you? Too easy, and she’ll have already seen it. Send her to The Muppets. Because everyone — even nihilists — loves the Muppets.
Your Nephew: He may want to see The Sitter. Just send him home with a DVD of Adventures in Babysitting. Everyone will be happier.
Your Uncle Who Doesn’t Know Your Aunt is Cheating on Him: The Descendants. Smile sadly at him afterwards.
The Little Kids in the Family that You Like: Hugo or The Adventures of Tintin.
The Little Kids in the Family that You Hate: Alvin & The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.
The Grown-ups in the Family that You Hate: New Year’s Eve.