Take a drink whenever…
You mentally compare Madonna’s arms favorably to any of the players’.
Madonna shakes her pom poms. No, her literal pom poms. Well, it can be a judgement call.
A new guest comes on stage (she has 12 minutes, people).
There is an instance of black leather.
Anyone gets hoisted on a wire.
Do a shot if…
Madonna kisses M.I.A. or Nicki Minaj (or M.I.A and Nicki Minaj kiss each other).
Cee-Lo Green appears.
LMFAO shows up wearing anything that isn’t shiny. One shot per clothing item.
There are any Aerosmith-style technical issues.
Madonna shows up in anything other than fishnets or leather pants.
Finish your drink if…
There is any kind of triple-kiss situation.
Madonna, M.I.A and Nicki Minaj perform any kind of cheerleading feat. Like a pyramid.
Madonna has a wardrobe malfunction.
There is any actual voguing — on stage, that is, not in your living room.
Finish the bottle if…
100 drummers actually come down from the ceiling.
Madonna has an ironic wardrobe malfunction.
This is actually the “greatest show on earth.”