It was announced to today that Billy Joel and his third wife, Katie Lee Joel, have decided to call it quits after just under five years of matrimony. While we don’t think this comes as a huge shock to anyone, seeing as 27-year-old Katie is 33 years younger than her husband, but still… can this guy do nothing right? Not only did he get divorced from supermodel Christie Brinkley, it was rumored that the split was due to infidelities on his part. Who cheats on a supermodel?
Instead of learning from his mistakes, his errors in judgment seem to have gotten worse as he’s gotten older. But perhaps there’s a method to this relationship madness hidden in his earlier lyrics? Read on to see what we discovered.
Example #1: “The Entertainer” (1974) I am the entertainer Been all around the world I’ve played all kinds of palaces And laid all kinds of girls I can’t remember faces I don’t remember names Ah, but what the hell You know it’s just as well ‘Cause after a while and a thousand miles It all becomes the same
The gist: I am a drunk mess (I guess some things never change).
Example #2: “An Innocent Man” (1983) I know you’re only protecting yourself I know you’re thinking of somebody else Someone who hurt you But I’m not above Making up for the love You’ve been denying you could ever feel I’m not above doing anything To restore your faith if I can Some people see through the eyes of the old Before they ever get look at the young I’m only willing to hear you cry Because I am an innocent man Oh yes I am
The gist: I may want you to think I’m an innocent man, but really, I’m taking advantage of you like everyone else — I’m just better at hiding it (AKA by putting it in my lyrics).
Example #3: Christie Lee (1983) She was a nice piece of music She had a rhythm all her own He blew a solo like a blind man She really dug his saxophone She wanted more than just an encore And he could play in every key He left the stage and packed his alto And took it home with Christie Lee
Oh I heard the man knew “the Bird” like the bible You know the man could blow an educated axe He couldn’t see that Christie Lee was a woman Who didn’t need another lover All she wanted was the sax It took a while for him to notice It took a while for him to see He was never in control here It was always Christie Lee
The gist: This is basically just creepy because he wrote it before he met either Christie Brinkley or Katie Lee. He made up a woman named Christie Lee whom he falls in love with under false pretenses and then breaks his heart. We think he should have listened to his incredibly in-tune/ future-predicting subconscious.
Example #4: “A Matter of Trust” (1986) Some love is just a lie of the heart The cold remains of what began with a passionate start And they may not want it to end But it will it’s just a question of when I’ve lived long enough to have learned The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned But that won’t happen to us Because it’s always been a matter of trust
The gist: All burning passionate love dies, except with the woman in the song. Because they trust each other. Apparently he has yet to find this one. Stay away from the fire! Away from the fire!
Example #5: “I Go To Extremes” (1989) Sometimes I’m tired, sometimes I’m shot Sometimes I don’t know how much more I’ve got Maybe I’m headed over the hill Maybe I’ve set myself up for the kill Tell me how much do you think you can take Until the heart in you is starting to break? Sometimes it feels like it will
The gist: I keep breaking my heart, and I’m not sure if it’s my fault, but it probably is (we agree).