Today’s headlines that shouldn’t be funny — but are. Send your funny news submissions to us here.
1. “Obama’s New Pup Gets Portrait Done” [via NYDN] NOT funny:”Economy shmickonomy, when I say Bo is getting a portrait, then dammit, the family dog is getting a portrait!” Funny: Look at that face and the mouth! So cute!
2. “Typo cuts drug offender’s prison term” [via CNN] NOT Funny: Who’s ready for some cocaine, baby??? Funny: “The form is unclear, and we cannot determine what the jury understood ‘ten one hundred (100) grams’ to mean.” Ten one-hundredths is a lot different than one hundred.
3. “Bandits in Drag Make Massive Jewelry Heist at Harry Winston in Paris” [via FN] NOT Funny: $102 Million. Gone. Funny: Drag queens stealing accessories. Priceless.
4. “Chris Brown hearing arrives” [via LAT] Not Funny: Chris “I’ma beat yo ass” Brown. Funny: 52 gossip publications have requested to be at his hearing. Imagine the resulting headlines.
5. “Belly button Surgery to Turn Outies into Innies” [via BBC] Not Funny: Cancer research, say hello to bellybutton research. Funny: Now we can’t tell which people are aliens. Oh wait…that’s bad.