Lucasfilm Force X lightsaber , $120
Nerd or not, who does not want a lightsaber? No one, that’s who. Lucasfilm Force X lightsabers are the closest we’ll ever get to owning a real one, and they come in a different styles so you can play at being your favorite Jedi, from Luke Skywalker to Mace Windu (which, whatever, he was pretty boring, but hey, purple lightsaber, right? That’ll be great for a feminine mini-nerd). And at $120, it’s a bargain! Well, double that if you want the Darth Maul, as you’ll have to connect up the halves yourself.
Foam World of Warcraft Doomhammer replica, $150
Maybe you know a kid who’s a little less about space aliens and a little more into dark elves. Get him off of the computer with his virtual Doomhammer and out into the real world, hitting other kids with this foam one. At only three pounds, it’s made of polyurethane with PVC tube piping, so it’s lightweight but will pack a wallop. Show that bully who’s been stealing all the nerdy kids’ lunch money what’s what!
Laser Stars Projector, $170
Are you Is your child an astronomy buff? Turn your their room into a planetarium (complete with clouds, if you your kid wants something authentic) with the Laser Stars Projector. Yep, definitely not for us, no sir. We would definitely get this for a child and not for, oh say, a New York media-company office. Nope.
Lego Mindstorms NXT 2.0, $248
For the more general science and engineering dorks among us, there’s the endlessly fun Lego Mindstorms NXT 2.0, a real honest-to-God robot that you can build into any shape and then program to do your bidding. It has a 32-bit microprocessor, three Interactive Servo Motors that give you precise control over the robot, and inputs for Bluetooth and USB communication, all for less than $250! Of course, if you like your robots a little less assembly-heavy, you can always get your basic R2-D2 unit for $200, but we don’t want to give George Lucas all our imaginary money. (Or do we?)
Hogwarts Express Train Electric Set, $350
Eventually we all have to face the crippling realization that we’ll never be getting our owl from the magical Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry — not because you’re a Muggle but because magic isn’t real. Soothe your pain with this Hogwarts-bound locomotive from Lionel.
Authentic Sonic Screwdriver, $413
Sure, they make plastic replicas of the 10th Doctor’s sonic screwdriver from Doctor Who, but you’re an eccentric millionaire in this scenario, remember? You can definitely afford this custom limited-edition screwdriver from the Celestial Toystore. It might be over $400, but that’s a small price to pay for the chance to save the world from the evil Daleks.
Star Wars Death Star Lego Set, $1050
Make no mistakes, if you buy this set it’ll be you that does the building, not the ten-year-old in your life. He can sit and watch and occasionally mistake the thing for a moon while you get all huffy about kids today.
Enterprise Command Chair
Maybe your, um, kid is more into Trek than Wars. Well, now she can reenact all her favorite scenes of intergalactic exposition with this life-size replica of Captain Kirk’s chair on the USS Enterprise! And it’ll only cost you anywhere from $2000 to $5499 — that is, if you can find one! They’re all sold out in most places online. Guess all the other rich nerds got to them first.
Wooden Hobbit Hole Playhouse, $3000
Playhouses are boring. You know what’s not boring? Playing in a frickin’ hobbit hole. And at less than the price of a plane ticket to New Zealand to see the real ones, you can have your very own Bag’s End, courtesy of the Wooden Works Etsy shop! Warning: all-powerful magic rings sold separately.
Millennium Falcon Playhouse
Wait, forget that. Hobbits? Screw hobbits. Hobbits are boring, too. What you want is a giant spaceship to play in, like the one Christian Bentley got made for him by the Little Mountain Production company in Oklahoma. Okay, to be fair, Make-A-Wish was involved, but we bet with the right amount of money you could get one built, too. Or you could try to get a Millennium Falcon beanbag bed, like the one made for the Adidas Pavillion at the 20120 Barcelona Primavera Sound Festival. Hell, maybe just settle for a $99 Taun Taun sleeping bag. After all this fake money you’ve spent, you deserve it.