Glowing Netflix Reviews of Notoriously Terrible Movies

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There are certain movies that we, as a culture, have outright rejected. Declaring an unironic love for Battlefield Earth or Gigli is social suicide in some circles — and no one in their right mind would admit to enjoying the hugely unsuccessful Paris Hilton vehicle The Hottie and the Nottie. And yet, because Netflix (especially in its streaming form) provides an endless supply of time-wasting media without forcing users to submit to the glare of a snobby video rental store clerk, it ends up exposing viewers to movies they wouldn’t consider watching otherwise. The site’s anonymous reviews prove that there is no such thing as a universally reviled film. After the jump, we’ve collected a handful of glowing Netflix defenses of notoriously awful flicks — some with odd political or moral agendas, some puzzling, some plain hilarious, and a few sarcastic but brilliant.

Battlefield Earth

Tomatometer rating: 2%

“This is the best film ever if you are inclined to develop your own theology. Start with a movie that inspires John Travolta to underwrite and take a lead role in it and the next thing you know he is tithing at your church. It is of no consequence that his character is so over the top it could have been portrayed by a Muppet. Its a shame Hubbard beat me to it. I had this whole thing worked out how the universe was ejected from a pan-dimensional Jello® mold but the concept seems passé amid the precepts of Scientology.”

“There are some very interesting questions that one can ask themselves: what really is out there in space? What is God? There has been so many gods before that claimed to be the one and only one other than the ones (Allah, Ram, Jesus) that mankind now serve. Has all the old Gods (Zeus, Istar, Hades, Baal, etc.) died? No I think not, just forgotten and replaced by the updated model. History proves that all of our new gods have various attributes of the old ones.”

Waterworld

Tomatometer rating: 43%

“Hated by Conservatives, loved by liberals. The movie plot is the ice caps melt from global warming caused by people, covering Earth with water. There is a evil faction called ‘SMOKERS’ that talk of cutting down every last tree if they find dry land which good and evil both seek.The movie is every bit as good as the Matrix or Forest Gump or…Usually Conservatives are not quick enough to figure out liberal agendas in movies but this is so outspoken that it gets bad ratings.It also marks when conservative movie critics turned on Costner. It’s a 9/10 Easy.”

“Worth watching. Movies about conflict….how many of them are there? When will people realize there is more to life than conflict? Most never will. The Amish know something most people do not have the capacity to understand. Expand your mind before you buy more toys. Just a suggestion.”

“Stunning that this movie brought the idea of polar ice caps melting in such a vivd and unique way. The ending credits where the camera pans to the infinite ocean of Waterworld is epic. Those who criticize simply dont see the final vision of the director and thats alright. On the nature of being evolutionary creatures adapt no matter what, also a breakthrough into the minds of most average intelligence movie goers back in the mid 90s. You ever smell the stench of factory or even like a 1960s Chevy? The emissions we belched into the atmosphere including super high altitude nuclear testing really destroyed most of it. Best to take sailing lessons people, because the gentle atmosphere is gone. Waterworld, prepare to drink your own piss.”

Gigli

Tomatometer rating: 7%

“Its a take on the male/female relationship, & how the female is actually dominant over the masculine polarity, this might not be absolute truth but this IS what the writer is conveying. And how female gentleness conquers the male retarded machoness of masculinity. With the humorous dynamics of our modern society, the mob, female homosexuality, making dreams come true, and the unfortunate reality how money plays in making them come true, in our modern so called civilization.This is how I saw it & why I give it a 5.”

Bio-Dome

Tomatometer rating: 5%

“What a great classic, but Stephen Baldwin playing a liberal stoner is the only part that bothers me after all these years.”

Catwoman

Tomatometer rating: 10%

“It appears moviegoers have gone from enjoying movies for entertainment value, to irrationally scrutinizing them beyond the film itself. Okay, “Catwoman” may not fare as well with, say “Spiderman and Spiderman 2” or the first 2 “Batman” movies. But how can you compare any superhero movie to those masterpieces? I would like to serve a plate of food for thought for folks who wish to submit reviews for movies. First suggestion is stick to speaking about the movie. What does the director’s name have to do with the quality of the film? What is, comparing films in a totally different genre to this film, conveying to those reading a review? Nothing, that’s what! To leap so far from speaking your opinion about a film is not productive, nor does it hold any true worth for filmgoers. Step off your pedestals, angry watchers. Having stated that, here is an opinion based strictly on the film itself. Halle Berry is an Oscar winning actress so we know she is capable. She pulled off the Catwoman role very well. And yes, she does prance around a lot in leather. Hello, she is portraying a cat after all. Every Halloween there are sexy cat costumes on store shelves.”

Sex and the City 2

Tomatometer rating: 15%

“Normally I don’t like movies without at least 1 car chase and a gun fight, but I really enjoyed this movie. If I was a Billionaire, that is how I would live. I never watched the series and I was tricked into watching this movie, (don’t really like chick flicks) but this was really fun. If there really is an airlines that has small cubicle cabins for first class with your own flat screen, phone, internet and a chair that turns into a bed, not to mention a full bar…I think I would fly more often. They go to Abu Dabi in this monstrous hotel with their own personal 24 hour butlers and 4 Mercedes Benz Maybach’s at their beckon call. For the girls there is the whole Australian Soccer team in speedos and for the guys, they somehow made birqas look sexy. It boils down to this: If you have ever dreamed about being filthy stinking rich, this is what you should aim for. And to think people actually live like this…makes me want to take a trip to Dubai.”

“I thought the movie was great in virtually every way. I don’t understand the many poor reviews here- the writing was fantastic and the concept of going to the Middle East gave the franchise a breath of new life. It wasn’t just the girls walking the streets of New York- they had a whole new city to conquer. The entire movie was wrapped around the idea of female empowerment and all of the ways that men try to take away that empowerment. From a sexist boss to a male-dominated foreign culture to people who presume to tell women that they must have children, all of the women were struggling with keeping their own power, a great concept to add to their story. The only thing I didn’t care for was the big gay wedding. It was too over the top and went on for a little long. If you don’t really care about gay culture, that part is a little boring, but the rest of the movie certainly made up for it.”

The Hottie and the Nottie

Tomatometer rating: 5%

“I really enjoyed this goofy movie, maybe because it wasn’t filled with nude scenes and cuss words.”

“I saw this movie because I’m a Paris Hilton fan and she gave me 4 autographed photos of herself. I seriously don’t understand why this movie got bad reviews. This movie is funny and I love the message of the movie. I also love the scenery of beautiful California in the movie. The beaches look beautiful (I live in California). But anyway, the storyline is great- a guy is in love with a girl ( Paris) but in order to be able to date her, he has to find a date for her unattractive friend. The unattractive friend has a makeover and looks beautiful. The guy falls in love with the unattractive friend. This is a must see.”

The Love Guru

Tomatometer rating: 14%

“I really dont care what the critics say, what others on this site have said, or even the recommendations of my own friends. I cracked up, and I wasnt even the least bit drunk (or anything else). It was perhaps a tad formulaic and borderline racist, but hey, I giggled.”

“I cannot stand bathroom humor at all, but I found that it was bearable in this movie. There were a few too many genital jokes for even my taste, but didnt take too much fun away. I was also surprised and grateful for lack of actual nudity or too much cleavage, which always offends me.”

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

Tomatometer rating: 9%

“This film touches on many complex themes and it is multi-layered, but the European gigolo is even better than the original gigolo — if you are willing to do some intellectual work with the film.”

“I enjoyed this movie because it was funny and it made me forget my own personal problems for a while!!! Eddie Griffin was so hilarious and silly. Rob Scheinder was very funny but at the same time he was so sensitive when it came to those women who were not so normal!!! i wish i can find a man like him who is willing to put aside hie pride and work with you no matter what problem you have.”

“I find it amazing that the people who give this movie one star and complain so much about it watched the whole thing. If they were so offended, why did they watch it? The answer is that they are repressed hypocrites and probably re-born Christian nut-cases. My advice to them is to get a life. For the rest of humanity, this movie will provide 90 minutes of laughter.”

White Chicks

Tomatometer rating: 15%

“I love this movie!!!! It has been my favorite Wayans Brothers movie for a really long time. For everyone who has commented about the movie being racist is the biggest joke and they obviously can’t find the humor in a movie. This movie is a comedy and is extremely funny! If you don’t like this movie or don’t “understand” the humor in it, then there is something wrong with you! I am a “white girl” and I am a huge fan of the Wayans Bros. and of this Movie. If you like comedies, then you’ll love this movie!!”

“I think some members who watch this film don’t realize the Wayans were making fun of the “upper crust” of white society. This was not about how white people can’t dance, this how the wealthy have their own little world that is different from ours, and how they might react in a crisis. And at he same time keep up appearances that everything is normal. This was about money and scandal and how a wealthy man was trying hide his failure from his family, friends, and the society he is a part of. The Hamptons is a real place and these type of events probably take place there. Thinking this about racism is entirely wrong. Would people have felt better if two white guys played the Wilson sisters? It would been a different movie. This is comedy and some people will be offended because of their own personal biases. Most people who watch films seldom look deeper into what the film is saying. There is a message in this film as in all of the Wayans films. This film was funny and Marlon and Shawn did a great job. And the dancing the white girls did in the movie was not bad dancing, it was actually pretty good, I enjoyed it and them.”