Have you ever had a fake boyfriend or girlfriend? Y’know, someone who spontaneously sends you flowers, chocolates, letters, and all that lovey-dovey stuff, but actually doesn’t exist? If you’ve had one, don’t feel too embarrassed. After all, everyone from Jan Brady to Napoleon Dynamite has succumbed to the odd urge to fabricate a relationship as to impress those around them. After the jump, we’ve gathered nine imaginary boyfriends and girlfriends from pop culture and rated ’em from worst to best. So, if you’re in the market for a new, exciting fake romance, click through to see what we’d consider somewhat acceptable.
9. The Least Convincing Fake Girlfriend:The Breakfast Club, “Canadian Girlfriend”
“She lives in Canada, I met her at Niagara Falls. You wouldn’t know her.” — Brian Johnson
Here we have one of the originators of the imaginary “Canadian girlfriend,” as executed by Anthony Michael Hall’s character in The Breakfast Club. When asked if he’s ever had sex, Brian spits out a fake story about a Canadian lover with whom he’s done the deed “lots of times.” Said gal is referenced again by Hall’s character in Weird Science. Take note — imaginary Canadian girlfriends and boyfriends are rarely convincing, especially when followed by, “You wouldn’t know her.”
8. The Worst Fake Boyfriend: Bridesmaids, “George Glass”
“George Glass is a very hot, nice guy, who likes me a lot and would probably love to be my date.” — Annie Walker
When pillow talk goes awry, Kristen Wiig’s Bridesmaids character resolves to make Ted (Jon Hamm) jealous by implying that she, too, is seeing loads of other people. The first name that comes to mind, however, is none other than “George Glass,” who was Jan’s fake boyfriend in a 1970 episode of The Brady Bunch as well as its 1996 movie sequel. Unfortunately, Ted isn’t swayed by Annie’s sudden mention of another man. Instead, he croons, “Well, let me ask you this — can this George Glass do this to you?” and proceeds to awkwardly cup Annie’s breast whilst moving it around in circles. Annie’s response? “Probably.” Since Jan Brady already called dibs on George Glass upwards of 40 years ago, we’re ranking this imaginary boyfriend near the bottom of our list.
7. Yeah Right, Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite, “Oklahoman Girlfriend”
“My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn’t ’cause she’s doing some modeling right now.” – Napoleon Dynamite
In an attempt to impress Pedro, Napoleon Dynamite presents a glamor shot of his “girlfriend” that he claims was taken when they had gone on a date to the mall. We all know that Napoleon belongs with Deb, so we’re ranking this one pretty low.
6. No Nutcases: The O.C., “Natalie Bishop”
This fake girlfriend is a little different from the rest. Oliver Trask doesn’t invent a girlfriend to intrigue Marissa Cooper, but instead to lure her into a false sense of friendship. As it turns out, Oliver is quite a bit mentally unstable, and harbors quite the obsession with Marissa. So, if you already have a restraining order from another girl, you probably shouldn’t be making up girlfriends and boyfriends to get closer to chicks like Marissa Cooper. They generally have enough on their plates.
5. Too Desperate: Family Guy, “My Boyfriend”
“Don’t mind me you guys, I’m just writing a letter to my boyfriend. ‘Dear, My Boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently, on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me, were really pretty. Just like you said I am. Love, Meg.'” — Meg Griffin
If you’re hoping to convince people in a room that you’re in a wonderful relationship, reading a love letter aloud just might do the trick. Although, you should probably stay away from reading, “My Boyfriend” rather than a human name. It’s a dead giveaway.
4. A Classic: The Brady Bunch, “George Glass”
“He’s really good looking and thinks I’m super cool” — Jan Brady
Here we have the original George Glass, as invented by The Brady Bunch. The imaginary character is introduced in the show’s second season, then reappears in 1996’s A Very Brady Sequel. George sends Jan flowers, love letters, and even appears in blow-up doll form in the film. Mr. Glass is a pretty awesome fellow — no wonder Annie from Bridesmaids borrowed him.
3. Best Astronaut Boyfriend: 30 Rock, “Astronaut Mike Dexter”
“My boyfriend, astronaut Mike Dexter, will be picking me up. On his motorcycle.” — Liz Lemon
Who could forget Liz Lemon’s beloved fantasy boyfriend, astronaut Mike Dexter? He enjoys kissing, dance competitions, and space travel. Oh, and he’s king of Monaco. As per usual, we agree with Liz on this one: What’s not to love about astronaut Mike Dexter?
2. Second Best: Avenue Q, “My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada”
“I wish you could meet my girlfriend, my girlfriend who lives in Canada. She couldn’t be sweeter, I wish you could meet her, my girlfriend who lives in Canada!” — Rod
Much like the girl mentioned in The Breakfast Club, Rod’s imaginary Avenue Q girlfriend lives in Canada. We’re even given loads of information about this gal through her her very own song. Of course, Rod is in love with Nicky, so despite the musical addition, this girlfriend was never very convincing.
1. The Best Imaginary Girlfriend: Lars and the Real Girl, “Bianca”
The best kind of imaginary girlfriend or boyfriend is the kind that you don’t realize is imaginary. So, without further ado, our winner is Bianca from Lars and the Real Girl, who is so perfect that Lars doesn’t need anyone else. She’s quite the go getter — volunteering at the mall, at the hospital, and with children. Rest in peace, sweet imaginary girlfriend.