Today, Music Sold Out (OK, Not Really)

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It was announced today that courtesy of Germany’s Mahr’s Bräu brewery acclaimed metal overlords Mastodon will have a limited-edition beer named after them. Shortly thereafter an unexpected storm of *press releases flooded Flavorpill HQ, announcing future band-product collaborations. They are as follows:

Iron and Wine has inspired a limited edition series of “Cheese and Grapes.”

Wavves is reportedly selling miniature surfboards made of pure, Grade-A dank.

Vampire Weekend is growing organic garlic necklaces for their fans. “It just made sense,” says lead singer Ezra Keonig.

Spoon is selling forks. Always expect the unexpected.

Mew is in the process of securing a commercial deal for the upcoming Pokemon release.

Frightened Rabbit, Grizzly Bear, Deerhunter, Wolfe Parade, and Fleet Foxes are, rather predictably, commissioning band name embroidered fur coats.

Sunset Rubdown recently announced their plans to team up with KY Jelly.

Noah and the Whale is writing a children’s book produced by Wes Anderson.

Phoenix is in the studio recording voice-overs for the Muzzy remake.

Kanye West‘s faux-internship at the GAP has allowed the rapper to submit his “I’m the Best at Being Humble” slogan to their line of faux-ironic t-shirts.

Franz Ferdinand presents “Spark Notes: WWI”

Camera Obscura and Dirty Projectors have released a viral marketing campaign for their Wal-Mart exclusive collaboration CD, Projector Obscura.

Little Boots debuted “Little Shoe” at the Sketchers “It’s the S” Expo last week.

Passion Pit bottles the first case of “Love, Hype, and Synthesizers,” a cologne/aphrodisiac for men who would like to be buzz-worthy.

Lil Wayne‘s “Auto-Teeth” toothpaste: Coming to stores near you!

-The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are sponsoring the production of D.A.R.E.’s “No No No’s,” an instructional pamphlet that warns teens against the dangers of “boozing and loozing.”

Animal Collective has given the word of approval for Scuffy’s “Optical Illusion Leashes,” mostly to tame rabid fans and PETA members who uniformed about the band’s activities.

Radiohead is giving everything away for free. No “name your price.” Guitars, Thom Yorke, royalties, you name it — it’s all just free.

Death Cab for Cutie released an iPhone App that displays “cute puppies,” fearing that their audience gets too “sad” and “emotional” during concerts.

Neutral Milk Hotel has put out their first new release in over a decade: Neutral Coffee Mate. ZERO calories, baby!!!

* These are fake. But we wish they were real — especially “Auto-teeth.”