The Team: Shaggy (Scooby-Doo), The Dude (The Big Lebowski), Beavis and Butt-Head (Beavis and Butt-Head), Jay and Silent Bob (Clerks), Ryan Howard (The Office)
Marital Status: It’s complicated
Known Relatives: The Uber Nerds (see below)
Group Affiliation: Netflix, Gamefly, and anything that doesn’t require leaving the house
Base of Operations: The couch, the bowling alley, the Mystery Machine, Dunder Mifflin’s closet, the Quick Stop Market in New Jersey
History: The Slackers — who have yet to actually assemble, because of their inability to commit to just about everything — are planning to join forces in the near future (or at least talk a lot about doing it). They would protest any problem you have with this, but they aren’t really sure what they were protesting about in the first place.
The Mean Girls
The Team: Regina George (Mean Girls), Cordelia Chase (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Nancy Downs (The Craft), Heather Chandler (Heathers), Betty Rizzo (Grease), Mavis Gary (Young Adult)
Occupation: Sometimes, but yours would suffice
Marital Status: Unavailable for you
Group Affiliation: Their own — anything else would be social suicide
Base of Operations: High school
History: The Mean Girls keep a list of their opponents in the “burn book.” Bitchcraft is their most powerful ability. Note: the red scrunchie worn by Heather Chandler is the group’s biggest Achilles heel. (We’re at least pretty sure that her head would fall off if removed by the enemy.)
The Crazy Best Friends
The Team: Thelma and Louise (Thelma & Louise), Phoebe Buffay (Friends), Annie Walker (Bridesmaids), Walter Sobchak (The Big Lebowski), Cameron Frye (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off), Trent (Swingers)
True Identity: Skewed
Base of Operations: LA nightclubs, a speeding 1966 Ford Thunderbird convertible or dad’s 1961 Ferrari 250 GT, Central Perk coffee house, Vegas, anywhere as long as it’s not on Shabbos
History: Using their complete lack of common sense and acute social quirks, The Crazy Best Friends have been known to fend off supervillain foes with songs about cats, unusual propositions, drunken freakouts (only works on airplanes), and by hurling them off steep cliffs. Walter prefers using firearms, however.
The Uber Nerds
The Team: Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons), George McFly (Back to the Future), Max Fisher (Rushmore), Randy Meeks (Scream), Louis Tully (Ghostbusters), Dwight Schrute (The Office), Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory)
Marital Status: Unnecessary
Occupation: Better than yours
True Identity: Secret — otherwise it would reveal plans for world domination
Base of Operations: The future
History: Although it might seem that our ragtag group of supernerds aren’t capable of overcoming their social weirdsies and desperate need to be “right” in order to assemble, appearances can be — and are — deceiving.
The Psychotic Lovers
The Team: Alex Forrest (Fatal Attraction), Catherine Tramell (Basic Instinct), Carrie (Californication), David McCall (Fear), Billy Chenowith (Six Feet Under)
Marital Status: Yes
Known Relatives: Tragically and mysteriously deceased
Occupation: Loving you is a full-time job
True Identity: Unknown
Base of Operations: Your office, your home, your school, your car…
History: Skilled in the art of deception, The Psychotic Lovers will stop at nothing to conquer (and kill). Animal sidekicks don’t seem to last terribly long with the group, which is why they often rely on fire and hand-to-hand combat. If you see them staring blankly and flicking a light switch over and over, have no fear. It’s just their equivalent to the Bat Signal.
The Working Class Heroes
The Team: Ralph Kramden (The Honeymooners), Homer Simpson (The Simpsons), Fred Flintstone (The Flintstones), Archie Bunker (All in the Family), Dan Conner (Roseanne)
Place of Birth: Amurca
Marital Status: The Working Class Heroes are certain that behind every good man is a good woman
Occupation: And damn proud of it — though some of our fearless crew are content to occupy their favorite chair or the sofa
History: The Working Class Heroes aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty, despite popular opinion. They’ve been painted as lazy, immature, and completely selfish, but somehow they manage to get the job done — as long as they get to take plenty of naps in between.
The Badass Kids
The Team: Hit-Girl (Kick-Ass), John Connor (Terminator), Hermione Granger (Harry Potter), Edgar and Alan Frog (The Lost Boys), Atreyu (The Neverending Story)
Legal Status: Not quite yet
Known Relatives: Oblivious
History: Rebelling against the Haley Joel Osment and Macaulay Culkins of the universe, The Badass Kids prove that age is just a number. They’ve worked hard to demonstrate that not all Hollywood child stars are as annoying as they seem. With the power of magic, knowledge of the future, comic books, and a creepy luckdragon, the Badass Kids are often victorious.
The Animal Avengers
The Team: Chewbacca (Star Wars), Direwolves (Game of Thrones), Mr. Fox (Fantastic Mr. Fox), Po (Kung Fu Panda), Rango (Rango)
Known Opponents: The Psychotic Lovers, and they have a bone to pick with the fox in Antichrist
Base of Operations: A galaxy far, far away
History: The Animal Avengers are a mythical force to be reckoned with. Their fighting style is animated and impressive. Able to tackle the big bad from the great continent of Westeros, to the Mojave Desert, and the distant Valley of Peace (bad stuff happens there, we swear), this heroic bestiary is not to be underestimated just because one of them speaks in grunts.