The World’s Strangest Perfumes and Colognes

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There are some bizarre fragrances out there, folks. Our most recent discovery? Superhero cologne. That’s right — Marvel has released a series of Avengers scents for those of us who aspire to superhuman scent. Intrigued by these new products, we decided to do a little research and round up some of other bizarre perfumes. Enjoy the smell of bacon? We’ve got a cologne for you. What about vaginas? Yup, that fragrance exists, too. Check out 10 strange perfumes and colognes after the jump, and hit the comments to let us know if you’re intrigued or repulsed.

Have you been searching far and wide for a product that will trick the noses of passersby into thinking that you’re a superhero? If so, go ahead and buy yourself some Avengers cologne. What do superheroes even smell like, anyway? Sweat, victory, and radioactivity? Well, with some help from these four special scents — “Mark VII” for Iron Man, “Patriot” for Captain America, “Smash!” for Hulk, and “Worthy” for Thor — you’ll be carrying the aroma of a box-office hit in no time. We’re not too sure about the others, but we’d be surprised if Tony Stark doesn’t smell absolutely marvelous. Oh, and for those interested in attracting the likes of Woody Allen and Ryan Reynolds (circa 2008-2011; may that marriage rest in peace), here’s your Scarlett Johansson-inspired Black Widow perfume.

Ah, the fresh smell of a newly unwrapped Apple product. Don’t you wish that scent would linger longer? Somehow, the folks at Air Aroma were able to bottle the famous smell of a brand new Macbook Pro and release the fragrance throughout a Melbourne art exhibit. The perfume is unavailable for purchase, unfortunately, but it’s still remarkable that this stuff even exists.

If you’re especially fond of elephants, tightropes, and bearded women, this perfume is for you! Seriously, L’Artisan Parfumeur’s DZING! is intended to smell like a circus, apparently. According to the description, it carries the scent of golden wood, toffee, leather, and musks. Yum.

Love the smell of books? We do, too. So, for those of us who want our bodies to smell like the smell of books, Paper Passion is here to help.

If you’re looking for a gift for the Ron Swanson in your life, boy, do we have an idea for you! Bacon cologne. Seriously. As awesome as this sounds, we’d imagine that we would grow annoyed pretty quickly if we came across someone wearing this cologne. One cannot simply smell like bacon without offering bacon, y’know?

In honor of Play-Doh’s 50th birthday, Demeter released a scent that smells just like your childhood’s favorite doughy goodness.

“Flame by BK” is Burger King’s perfume. It’s supposed to smell like meat and seduction. Because, y’know, what’s sexier than Burger King? We’re pretty sure this perfume is no longer sold by the chain, so hit up eBay to track down your own meaty fragrance.

If you’re looking to smell like a crustacean, this lobster cologne is for you. Going on a first date? Spritz some of this on your body and claim that you made lobster for lunch. You’ll seem cool. Maybe.

Well, it seems as though the statement, “You smell like a vagina” is no longer reserved for pesky pre-teen boys, but might also be considered a compliment by the wearers of this scent?

Demeter has done it again. We’re not really sure why anyone would go out of their way to smell like a funeral home, but the fragrance’s description is pretty amusing — “Funeral Home is a blend of classic white flowers: lilies, carnations, gladiolus, chrysanthemums with stems and leaves, with a hint of mahogany and oriental carpet.” Mahogany and oriental carpet? Sounds about right. We’d recommend this scent for those who write poetry, are in love with their English teacher, and enjoy climbing trees with their best friend who probably has severe bee allergies. Yes, that is the plot to My Girl.