No TV show says summer to us more than True Blood, its Southern Gothic atmosphere and pulpy pleasures providing the perfect complement to sweaty evenings spent drinking mint juleps at home after another exhausting day in the hot sun. But while we love the people — and supernatural creatures — of Bon Temps and want them to never, ever change, we’ve noticed over the years that Sookie, Bill, and co. have a tendency to annoy the crap out of us. So, in the spirit of good-natured complaining about a show that we actually adore, every week this season we’ll be shouting out the three characters who drove us craziest, and also anointing the episode’s single most campily awesome character. Find out who made us groan this time, when Andy and Jason got whisked off to a fairy burlesque club and Eric and Pam had a moment so tender it almost made us cry blood, below.
The Week’s Most Annoying Characters
1. Sookie: Listen, we wouldn’t keep putting her on this list if she weren’t forcing us to do it, week after week. This time, the half-blood fairy threw herself a pity party about how everyone hates her, sobbing and showing up at Jason’s to demand that he arrest her for Debbie’s murder. We would have given her some points for drowning her sorrows in a truly disgusting-sounding “Orange Marzipan” cocktail, but Sookie can’t even get debauchery right — “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” is never appropriate, and belting it out during a bender is absolutely horrifying. In fact, we’re so disgusted we can’t even go into how upset we are about sloshed Sookie seducing poor, helpless Alcide. This woman needs to do everyone a favor and leave town already.
2. Bill: Speaking of poor saps who can’t get over Sookie, let’s review what Bill did this week. While Eric was putting his affairs in order to prepare for meeting the True Death, the King of Louisiana was inquiring of Tara, “Is Sookie safe?” He even allowed Jessica to talk him into visiting her (“Sookie and you is different than Sookie and anyone else!”), but when Bill and Eric showed up at her window, they found the drunken object of their mutual affection going at it with Alcide. While this makes Bill a dupe, what he does next is just a pathetic howl of pain, suggesting to Eric that they enlist her in their quixotic quest. When Eric doubts she’d be into joining forces and he snarls, “I don’t think we give her the choice,” that’s pure pain and jealousy talking.
3. TIE Alcide: Come on, Alcide. You know what happens to guys who fall for Sookie. Or doesn’t the fact that she killed Debbie mean anything to you? Alexander Drew: Ugh, this kid! Whiny and cowardly, even in death. It is rarely such a pleasure to watch (an ancient creature that looks like a) child die.
The Week’s Most Awesome Character
Roman Zimojic: We have been tempted to bestow this honor upon the ruthless, speechifying Vampire Authority leader a few times already, but we had a feeling his best moment was still to come. And while he may well perform even more awesome feats before the season is out, how about that bit where he positively popped baby Sanguinista Alexander Drew and launched into a terrifying tirade against traitors as his face dripped with the kid’s blood? Even in an episode where Lafayette went full-on demon and put a curse on Sookie’s car while Jason and Andy spent a cah-razy night at a fairy nightclub that resembled nothing more than a Lady Gaga video, it was no contest.
Image credits: Lacey Terrell/HBO