No TV show says summer to us more than True Blood, its Southern Gothic atmosphere and pulpy pleasures providing the perfect complement to sweaty evenings spent drinking mint juleps at home after another exhausting day in the hot sun. But while we love the people — and supernatural creatures — of Bon Temps and want them to never, ever change, we’ve noticed over the years that Sookie, Bill, and co. have a tendency to annoy the crap out of us. So, in the spirit of good-natured complaining about a show that we actually adore, every week this season we’ll be shouting out the three characters who drove us craziest, and also anointing the episode’s single most campily awesome character. Find out who made us groan this time, when Lafayette was dramatically rendered speechless and a scantily clad Tara told off her holy rolling mother, below.
The Week’s Most Annoying Characters
1. Hoyt: Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than those awful ’80s vamp-bait getups, Hoyt allows himself to be brainwashed by the noxious bigots who killed Sam and Luna’s shape-shifter friends. And it’s not even difficult for them to get into his stupid, wounded brain! “I feel more love, more acceptance in this hate group…” Ugh.
2. Jason: Really, Jason, you shot Jessica for feeding on some other dude when you barged in? Despite all she’s done for you and the fact that you’re not even seeing each other exclusively? Just because a bullet to the head won’t kill a vampire doesn’t mean you aren’t an asshole for pulling the trigger.
3. Patrick: We were never going to love a character whose claim to fame was ordering Terry to kill a civilian who just happened to put a smoke-monster curse on the soldiers and their friends — but “Suicide is for Muslims”? Come on, man. Not OK.
The Week’s Most Awesome Characters
Eric, Bill, Salome, Russell, et al: In one of the few fun moments of a somewhat politically didactic episode, Bill and Eric join the newly Sanguinista-led Authority in drinking the blood of Lilith. Although they’re skeptical that it will have any effect (it’s vampire blood; they’re vampires), soon enough they’re running around New Orleans with their fangs bared and their eyes glazed over, taunting motorists and turning a sedate private bar party into their own personal blood orgy buffet. In the midst of the trip, the ghost of Godric returns to tug at Eric’s conscience — and Lilith herself rises from a pool of CGI blood as a beautiful, naked woman. But is she real or just a collective hallucination?