Although individual episodes are sure to keep us guessing, we know what to expect from Breaking Bad’s final season: Walter White, having killed Gus Fring, finally seizes the power he’s wanted so badly for so long. As creator Vince Gilligan has said, Walt is transforming from embattled hero into full-blooded villain, and these final 16 episodes are sure to make last year’s bomb-planting and kid-poisoning look tame. Since we spent the Season 5 premiere drinking blue cocktails and doing spit-takes over Walt’s ridiculous, audacious, and often reckless swagger, we’ve decided that this year we’ll be rounding up each episode’s biggest Walter White WTF moments. The top five for this week, when Walt and Jesse went into the pest-control business and Skyler finally told Marie to shut up, are after the jump.
1. Jesse introduces Andrea and Brock to Walter. “I heard that you were in the hospital,” Walt says to the boy he poisoned, staying to drink a beer and schmooze about his own kids. Ugh. Obviously, the fact that he’s talking to a kid he almost killed makes the situation a million times more painful, but why is it that nothing on Breaking Bad makes our skin crawl more than watching Walt act like a nice guy?
2. Walt has the nerve to discuss Andrea and Brock with Jesse. “Seeing you with Andrea and that little boy is nice,” he says. Shudder. And that’s not even the worst part. Then he has the nerve to ask Jesse what his “plan” is for what to tell her about their business and try to scare him into cutting ties with her. “I can’t pretend this doesn’t affect me,” Walt tells Jesse. Because that’s how things work now: Walt gets to have a family but doesn’t think twice about ruining every chance Jesse has at finding one of his own.
3. When Marie confronts him with the news that Skyler had a breakdown at the car wash and asks what’s really going on in their lives, Walt covers his ass by telling her all about his wife’s affair with Ted Beneke. “I don’t want you to think any less of her — or me,” he tells Marie, once again casting himself as the strong, brave victim. Then, once his sister-in-law is out of the house, he doesn’t even check on Skyler — he heads to the kitchen to bite into an apple, and, we imagine, celebrate one more successful deception.
4. Walt moves back in with Skyler. You know, because he loves her so much and cares so deeply about her feelings.
5. When Skyler wakes from her post-breakdown nap, Walt is in the living room watching Scarface. With their kids. Yes, the baby, too. This scene is what the kids on Tumblr might call a GPOY.