The gadget-obsessed writers over at Gizmodo recently got their hands on Apple’s Genius Training Student Workbook, a “top secret” employee training manual that essentially teaches the company’s employees how to perform Jedi mind tricks on its customers in order to keep them happy. Among the more fascinating things that they uncovered: There are certain words that should never ever come out of the mouth of an Apple Genius, per AppleCare’s legal counsel. On the list of banned terms you’ll find “bug” and “problem” (rather it’s a “condition,” “issue,” or “situation”), “hot” (the MacBook Pro that’s setting your lap on fire is simply “warm”), and “crash” (apparently, “unexpectedly quit” is more pleasing to the ears).
Geniuses are also supposed to avoid telling you when you’re wrong about something by using the phrase “turns out” to help gently guide you to the correct version of things. And don’t ever expect a Genius to deliver a direct apology if a product simply fails — it’s expressly forbidden. Head over to Gizmodo to read more about what’s inside the manual, and be sure to let us know in the comments if you’re at all surprised by how much studied effort goes into Apple’s customer service.