One Hundred Years of Solitude , Gabriel García Márquez
We think this novel — one of the most beloved books of the 20th century — would make a beautiful, lush, frankly magical film. We say that because it’s a beautiful, lush, frankly magical book. But unfortunately (for us) García Márquez has never agreed to sell the rights. Maybe he has something even better in mind.
The Secret History , Donna Tartt
We cannot for the life of us understand why this book has never been made into a movie. It has everything a movie should have: mystery, murder, attractive young people in scarves running around in the woods. Yes, that could have been a description of Harry Potter, but we promise you, this is much, much darker. For a comprehensive look at who we would cast in said movie version of said classic college novel, go here.
Geek Love , Katherine Dunn
This novel, about a pair of carnival owners who breed their own freak show family, would make a twisted, dirty, insane film. It would be weird, hard to plot, and incredibly dark. So obviously someone has to make it.
A Confederacy of Dunces , John Kennedy Toole
Considering how often this book is heralded as the funniest novel of all time, we’re really not sure how it hasn’t become a movie yet. Well apparently, Hollywood has been trying for over 30 years, so at least we can give them credit for that… sort of. There has been a veritable parade of potential Ignatius J. Reillys: John Belushi, John Candy, Chris Farley, and more recently Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis. Hell, John Waters even wanted to do a version starring Divine when she was still alive. Come on, people. Someone, get it together and give us this movie!
The Instructions , Adam Levin
Child genius? Check. Quirky premise? Check. Terrifying school scenes? Check. But we really just want to see a film version so we can watch the riot — yes, that one — unfold firsthand.
Black Hole , Charles Burns
This book — a graphic novel about a group of teenagers affected by an STD that causes strange, random mutations — would be an extremely disturbing movie. While a live-action, chiaroscuro film would probably blow our minds, we’d settle for a Persepolis-style black and white animated feature if absolutely necessary.
Lush Life , Richard Price
Have you seen The Wire? Yeah, it’d be like that.
The Pushcart War , Jean Merrill
Here’s another book that seems like a total shoo-in for the film treatment. Not only would this book make a rather timely movie — though, the little guy vs. corporate giant trope is always pretty timely — but if it were updated to be set in modern-day New York, we think it could turn into an edgy look at class and race and food and friendship. Oh yes, and pea-shooters.
Gun, With Occasional Music , Jonathan Lethem
Jonathan Lethem’s first novel is not his best. That said, the hardboiled crime cum science fiction adventure is still the one we’d most like to see as a film, if only for the pure fun of it. Technology has advanced to the point where one of the main antagonists can be a talking kangaroo, right? Right.
Infinite Jest , David Foster Wallace
No, we have no idea how one might make this into a movie. Yes, we’re dying to see someone try.